A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my BF for just over a year now. A long time ago we had the marriage talk and he said that he wasn't sure if that's what he wanted. I told him that I want marriage one day. Lately he's been talking of us living together and being together for life. While he's been doing this I've been losing my mind wondering if one day I'd have to leave him because he wouldn't want to marry me.Then the other night the topic of living together came up again. I told him that moving in with him was a big committment for me and that we'd have to be on the same page about our future. He immediately knew I was talking about marriage. To my surprise he then said that he does want to marry me.I was a little shocked and didn't know how to take it. I could see that it took a lot of courage for him to admit this. He said that he'd thought about it in the last few months and that marrying was the right thing to do. So I was quite happy then. But I am very insecure. I ask the same questions many times because I find it hard to trust people. I stopped myself from asking him a million times if he was sure. I know it would look like I don't trust him. I guess it's also this sudden change of heart. Perhaps I think it's sudden but he's been thinking about it for a while so maybe I'm wrong.I know my BF very well. I know that he doesn't say things he doesn't mean. He always does what he says he will do, he's never lied, stood me up or left me. He calls me when he says he will, he treats me with respect and love. And I also know that he makes decisions he doesn't back down from. I feel pretty bad for mistrusting him.My heart and my gut are telling me that he was telling me what he really wants and that he's being genuine. But my insecurities are telling me to doubt him and question his motivations to admit that he wants to marry me.How do I trust him better? How do I trust that what he told me recently about his decision to marry me is true?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Thanks for the answers guys.
legemini, I am not pressuring him for marriage. I just want to know that he and I are on the same page in that regard before taking the step of moving in together. Pressuring someone is quite different to telling someone you want marriage one day and asking if they want the same. It's being smart.
Tennisstar88, you're right on point when you say 'Your insecurities are getting the best of you, don't let them.' I realise that and it's taking a bit of effort for me to let go of my insecurities.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): If it took him great courage to tell you and he came across as honest, then I'd say he is. You don't have any complaints about him otherwise. I say give it time and let him surprise you one day with an engagement ring.
If you continually bring it up and pressure him, he'll resent you for it and you won't be surprised by a proposal.
Enjoy your time together and enjoy knowing your man loves you very much.
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A
female
reader, legemini  +, writes (25 October 2010):
I agree with the other poster. Take it easy! You've only been together for 1 year and you're already pressuring him for marriage?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Cool your jets..If he didn't plan on marrying you then why would he waste the time asking you to move in with him? You had the first marriage talk a long time ago and that was too early in the relationship to talk about commitment..But I understand you're just making sure he's on the same page. Now, he's had time to think about it, and he's taking the necessary steps to get there. First move in, bask in that glory first, get used to each other and a routine will fall into place. Don't badger him about marriage, it's not going to make him propose any faster. He's a great guy, give him the benefit of the doubt..you have no reason not to trust him. Your insecurities are getting the best of you, don't let them..lack of trust in people is in the past. It's evident this man is your future, don't mess that up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Hi,
You have only been together for a year, so sounds to me like the 'married' question came up very early in the relationship. Him saying he wasn't ready was probably because...he wasn't ready. You should appreciate his honestly. If marriage is that important to you at this stage of your relationship, then I agree with the previous person, start planning together what your future will look like and when the big day will be. From how you describe your bf, he has been honest with you, so you have no reason to distrust him. Make sure you are both ready before racing ahead with the wedding though.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (25 October 2010):
 there's not a manual on how to trust your boyfriend.
you just do or you don't..based on his behavior..
you talked about his behavior and it's exceptional.
so trust him.
don't bring up the marriage talk.
relax.
don't move in with him until he sets a date tho. he needs to see u are serious about what u said to him earlier.
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