A
male
age
36-40,
*neakySi
writes:Hi guys...Im going through the phase of i think my Girlfriend is cheating on me im not so sure i need your thoughts please!!! and its tricky!I live in derby and she lives in tamworth about 30 mins apart im 19 and shes 17 we met at a party and it was almost like love at first sight.....we was so happy and her family loves me and my family loves her...now the problem i have is she doesnt seem the same around me she still is very happy and we have are moments of fun...but her mobile phone is all passworded and so is her laptop...she texts behind my back and when i ask her who shes texting she says her mum... but the thing is she has a good 1000 lads on her msn account and she also used to fancy another lad and she chose me over him.... and i know he still texts her....please can you give me some advice on where i should go with this i love her to bits and we have only been dating almost 3 months....thankyou so much for all your helpSimon
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): Sorry Simon but in my experience if you have a gut feeling or intuition that she is sheating on you it is because you can subconsciously sense that some emotional distance has opened up between you - and you also sense that you are being lied to.
These are basic human abilities - and yopu seem to be tuned in to yours.
The difference is most of us are not open enough to our own feelings and instincts to achieve a conscious realization of what is going on.
My advice is - back off, give her space, observe from a distance - and watch the truth emerge.
I hope I am wrong but am pretty certain I'm right.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (25 January 2008):
 Hmmmm... it is tricky. When you say "she texts behind my back and when i ask her who shes texting she says her mum".
Why not ask what her mum said? I don't understand the need to text behind your back if it is her mum. It does sound a bit fishy to me. When I get texts or phonecalls I tell my other half who it is and what they said since I have nothing to hide and believe in being completely open and honest in a relationship.
"... but the thing is she has a good 1000 lads on her msn account and she also used to fancy another lad and she chose me over him.... and i know he still texts her...."
Obviously she loves all the attention she gets from boys. I would suggest you have a chat with her, depending on the level of your relationship, and if you're boyfriend/girlfriend and it's sort of "official", then tell her you're not comfortable with this situation.
"she also used to fancy another lad and she chose me over him.... and i know he still texts her...."
Some guys love the challenge. Why does he still text her? It's likely she's texting him and this is leading him on... The way she sees it might be sort of "ANOTHER admirer who wants me" and she keeps him there so she feels good about herself.
Why has she got so many boys on msn when she's with you now? Ok, I suppose it's early days, but I really do think you need to tell her how uncomfortable you are with it.
How would she like it if you had 1000 girls on msn and texted behind her back while out with her often?
If it continues, and you cannot feel you can trust her then perhaps you're better off out of this sooner rather than later.
RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT WORK WITHOUT TRUST AND I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT TO THINK SOMETHING'S NOT QUITE RIGHT based on what you've said in your post.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): The bottom line here is that she chose you over him. Never encroach on a girl's space- passwords could be for many reasons... and there's no reason why you should need to know them.Trust is a big thing here. Perhaps it'll make you feel better to tell her that you're insecure. Point out that she's a beautiful, amazing girl, and you want to know that she loves you as much as you love her.And the final bit: There's nothing overtly against the law in her messaging. Is she really doing it behind your back? How do you know it's not her mom really? And how many girls do you have on your MSN account? How many messages do you send that she doesn't know about? Do you account each one to her, whether she's there or not? It'd be rather strange.The important thing in a relationship is a little space. You don't own her. She doesn't own you. Don't stress- enjoy the relationship, otherwise it's that stress that will drive you apart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): It's not unusual for people to have password on their mobiles and computers for security so that doesn't mean she is cheating on you.The thing with cheating is that cheats tell lies so you don't know where you are and it's very hard to tell.A good relationship needs trust. Perhaps you could mention this to her and ask who these people are and why she is doing it behind your back. They could just be friends or she might just enjoy the attention. She could be doing it behind your back in case you think she is cheating when she is not.
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A
female
reader, confused.i.is +, writes (25 January 2008):
 SimonIs she keeping her options open? She is so young, whilst you probably heard it before, nothing lasts forever at that age.I understand the reason for her passwording her Lappy and phone, it is personal.Has she changed towards you? do you see her less?Try talking to her properly, ask her if she wants a break for a while, bearing in mind you are so young. See what she comes back with.
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