A
male
age
41-50,
*carface83
writes:I am desperate for some help and feel like I am stuck in a rut and I cant get myself out. Here goes....I have been seeing my girlfriend for around a a year and 2 months the first couple of months were fantastic and we had so much fun together she is rally the girl of my dreams funny beautiful smart and very independent. After a couple of months things started to go rapidly down hill. I soon realised that she was not over her ex boyfriend of 4 years who she left for me. I know on one occasion she slept with him and she was in constant e-mail and txt (because I checked her phone) Then at Christmas we were arguing constantly and she made the decision to walk away and end the relationship. We split for a couple of months and then she came back and we tried again. Once again things were ok for a while we planned moving in together but I was really paranoid thinking she was with him, then it came to her birthday she invited all of her friends to have a sit down meal with her parents and invited her ex to come (as they are all part of a really tight knit university group) I was not invited which I was really upset about so we argued about that. We were then fine but there is always arguments about the past and either of our trust issues. We are at a cross roads now were we do not know whether to carry on and try to battle through as the good times are SO SO SO good but the bad times are so so so bad. My problem is I don't want to lose this girl and I feel as though I will not be able to get anybody as good or as anybody who makes me as happy.
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male
reader, Jason32477  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 From reading what you wrote I feel you would be so much better off without her.Every time we fall in love its so hard to let go and move on no matter how much we hurt inside.You just have to remember that there was life before her.There will be life after her.With all the millions of people in this world there is all ways someone better just around the corner.
A
female
reader, emma_lou658 +, writes (16 July 2009):
 As much as you say that you don't want to lose this girl and that you wouldn't be able to get anyone as good or who makes you as happy, you need to realise that there is always someone else out there for us, love is a two way thing and your emotions and feelings are being overlooked!!
It seems to me that you are the one who is accomodating for a person who is uncertain about your relationship or maybe not ready for a committed relationship with you.
You need to ask yourself what you want out of this relationship, forget about the other person and be selfish for a second, if your needs do not measure to what you are receiving then you are going to continue to be at a loss.
Only you have the answers but you need to evaluate your long term happiness, good times are always good but once you enter a vicious circle there is no other way out than to break it and move forwards alone. Love does most certainly hurt but it is all a learning curve.
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A
female
reader, DOG +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Don't be so hard on yourself. You will find someone better, trust me. It sounds like she is really not ready to move forward in life as she cannot let go of her past.(Is she a Cancer sign?). If she cannot do this then you will never be truely happy in this relationship. Trust me you will be better off letting her go now. Nothing worse thatn being in an insecure relationship. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. Take the chance and explore life while you can. Don't ever regret taking chances. That's what life is all about. Good Luck!
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