A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why is it, that it seems men just dont get women. Dont get me wrong both sexes can be just as bad as each other but however men seem so thoughtless. I for instance will make sure that my man is looked after has what he needs and i never have him complaining. However this does not seem to be a revolving door. I dont understand why that although he knows what i want and need he just never seems to think it through. Like if he stays at mine hes looked after, but if its the other way around its as if theirs no plan no thought and as if he expects me to do the same their as at home. i know hes not thoughtless or stupid but why does it seem that most men always miss the little things. is this just men some men or all men. I just find myself wondering what should i expect from my man. Feels dissapointing, perhaps were not on the same level of wave lengths when it comes to this. How can you fix that or is it something that should be left alone ? any opinions welcome thanks A xxxxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): While it is true that women are historically the care takers and the nurturers, I don't feel that this should be a blanket excuse for a man to be a taker and not a giver in a relationship. I think that a man may not know this and may need to be asked or reminded to do the things that his woman needs to feel special. If he cannot or will not be bothered to have a favorite drink for her in his fridge (a 12 pack of cola beer will not spoil if not consumed right away) or something as simple as a box of her favorite snack crackers or breakfast cereal, then she should not necessarily be bothered to sleep in his bed at night or to fold his laundry or cook him his favorite dinner when he comes over. It is not part of a man's biology to be thoughtless. My uncle brought his wife flowers regularly well after 40 years of marriage. He called her his bride. Another uncle re-enlisted in the service during WWII to bring his pregnant wife home to the states because he didn't have enough leave and didn't want to send her home alone where she didn't know anyone or speak English. Their wives cooked and cleaned and took care of them, but they also felt loved and appreciated. It's rewarding to take care of your man if you have the faintest idea that he cares and appreciates it.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. That book wasn't written for nothing. Men and women do not see things, do things, or generally ever think alike. Women are usually raised to be care-givers. It's in our DNA. Since the dawn of time, women are programmed to cook the meals, take care of the little details around the home (you've heard of a house having a "woman's touch"?) that means we change the roll on the toilet paper (a man will leave the carboard still on the roll and place a fresh roll in the floor in front of himself. We will empty the trash, pick the clothes up from the floor, make sure there's food in the fridge, drinks, napkins, plates and probably flowers, when the guy comes to our place to crash. We'll remember to buy his favorite creamer, his favorite breakfast roll, or stock the fridge with eggs and hot dogs and beer. Men do not think things through with this much detail. They pretty much fly by the seat of their pants and yes when you go to his place he probably hasn't gone shopping, he'll be out of bread, milk and eggs and it's doubtful there will even be any toilet paper in the place. It's frustrating, but this is why men need us in their lives. Otherwise they would live like cavemen for the most part. So don't give up on him. Men are used to having a woman to cater to them (Mom, Grandma, you etc.) And we're programmed to take care of them, the children, the house payment and the laundry.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 There is a great book that speaks to what jannipeg is talking about ... "The Five Languages of Love" It's a must for all couples...
for example My language of love is words whereas my husband's is acts of service... so he does things for me that are supposed to say I love you and he thinks I say I love you by doing things for him and around our home...
but without reading this book I would not have known this and I'd be angry that he seems to DEMAND that I do these things to care for him and our home and I'd be insane that he never says "I love you".... in fact, we'd never know the other person loved each other without reading this book....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 It is something to be left alone. You think that doing little things is what makes him feel loved, but actually it is what makes you feel loved. He is doing things for you that he thinks it's right and proper but in reality it's only his idea of love. You have to ask him what makes him feel loved, and express what makes you feel loved, at the same time be very sensitive and tell him that you are not trying to change him. Also be aware that men can't read minds. They really rely on you to tell them what you want. If you think that the right man should just know. Forget it. You are going to be disappointed. And when you feel dsappointed, they are even more frustrated that you don't tell them what's bothering you before and you wait till you get angry at them.
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