A
female
age
36-40,
*rmyofme
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for nearly four years and we have a generally happy relationship. However, besides some initial efforts when we very first begun dating, he has never really complimented me. I'm sure he must like some things about me since we have been together such a long time, but he has never really vocalised it. In the past when I have achieved things at work or university he has hardly passed comment. I often put real effort in to getting ready for a date night so as to look nice for him, and get nothing other than "is that ANOTHER new dress?". I can't recall a single instance of spontaneous compliment in a couple of years. This sometimes causes social awkwardness since in situations where a compliment would generally be expected, none arrives, frequently causing others to prompt him. I thought perhaps he'd not realise this might be a problem unless I said something, so I told him that it would be nice to be complimented one in a while. My boyfriend's response was that he'd find this difficult. I asked if he could think of anything he liked about me and he replied that he couldn't specifically and that it's unfair to expect of him something he finds so hard. Now, given that we have an otherwise happy relationship, I'm not going to let a small issue like this cause problems, but I must admit I'm a little disheartened that my boyfriend should find it so difficult to identify qualities about me that he likes! Why might my boyfriend find this difficult? Women, have you ever been in this situation? Men, do you find it difficult to give compliments and if so, why?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 I would find it difficult because I never heard enough compliments from my own parents. The only people who would compliment me are my extended family I didn't feel close to. I also felt that my extended family would compliment me just to be polite with my parents and my parents did the same thing with my cousins. So I grow up thinking that compliments are worthless and phony. I felt the competition amongst my cousins. I also felt that compliments are there to make me work even harder, so they like a bribe and not a heartfelt expression.
When my boyfriend complimented me I find hard to believe it and I questioned his sincerity. I got used to it and I am happy to learn a lesson that you reap what you sow, but before that you have to find things within you that you like about yourself. Practice that enough and you will begin to find positive things in your partner too.
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