A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There's a guy I've known for a year from Glasgow who I got introduced to at a mate's birthday party... I'd like to think we're good mates, but we do have a friends with benefits relationship... Only problem is, it was one of his mate's birthday's last month, and I ended up hooking up with his mate... it's become quite serious quite quickly... We never had any talk about becoming official, but I dunno what his reaction will be when he finds out, I don't want him to be pissed off at me, but it's just how life works out I suppose...The only other thing is, this new guy is bi, it doesn't bother me, but I just wonder hoo to tell my mum... she's not totally old fashioned or a prude, but she's a wee bit old school, and I just don't want to upset her or anything, but I know it's my decision, but just totally confused to hell...
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe way he talks about it, he does want to make it official, I wouldn't go into his previous ex's with my mum, she's just wanting me to be treated right after all... :-) I don't think he's FWB with anyone else at the moment... I have always had a bad habit of over thinking things, whereas he is more chilled, and it's starting to brush off on me, but I suppose with relationships in the past and what happened to me when I was younger, there is always gonna be a bit of doubt in my mind...
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 November 2015):
 Does it matter that he's bi-sexual? If he's going to be with you in a relationship, then he's with you and no one else but you. Or is this going to be an open relationship and you and he have sex with other people?
If you are wondering how to talk about his exes with your Mum, well, does he have a lot of exes that even need discussing?
I'd just be matter-of-fact and frank about it. "Mum, you know Trevor and I are dating now? He's lovely and going to be a great and fantastic boyfriend because of [list all his fabulous traits here]. And just so you know he's also been with men in the past."
Now, before you have this convo with your Mum, I'd wait to see if this guy really is going to be a great boyfriend. Is it possible he thinks he's in a FWB with you as well? You are in your 30s and seem uncertain as to how to navigate this situation.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 November 2015):
 WHY would you believe that you should share this important - yet intimate - detail with you Mother??????? (Would you announce it to her if he were straight, only????).
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): be careful... be very careful is all im going to say to you hun. I have been involved with a guy who was bisexual before and it ended up in tears on my behalf /3 he ditched me for a guy and its horrible!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 November 2015):
 His sexual preference is NOT her business no matter how close you are. IF HE wants to talk to your mom about it, that is another thing. I don't think it's for YOU to share.
Being bi-sexual should be irrelevant in YOUR relationship with him. All it means is that he CAN be attracted to both gender, not that he HAS to date/sleep with both genders at the same time. So he might have had a BF at some time, or another GF. So what?
I think it's a little TMI.
You mom might be old-fashioned (nothing wrong in that) but she will without doubt care more about HOW he treats you, how he loves you, that his sexual preference.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, cheers for your answers... I know where you're coming from with "none of her business", not using it as an excuse, but had a lot of shit happen to me when I was younger, and it majorly dented my self confidence, so maybe from an outside angle, it always looks like I'm looking for approval or acceptance from people... I've always been close with my mum, I know I can always go to her, she's just been a big part of my life, and has also had to put up with a lot of shit as well... He has mentioned being bf/gf, but I've been single for quite a while, maybe the wrong way to word this, but getting used to the idea of being in another relationship... Yeah, I never put a title in... :-)I don't think it's so much judgement, maybe just a whole acceptance thing... I do like the guy, and he's made it obvious that he would like more... It's his birthday at the weekend, so I'll see what he says then... :-)
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 November 2015):
 Another vote for the 'why tell her anything?' camp. It's none of her business.
Way too much information.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (11 November 2015):
 Why do you have to tell her anything? I cant see how it would be any of her concern anyway. You are ok with it and that is all that matters.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): You're not an official couple; so why do you have to tell your mother details about the sexual-orientation of a guy you're casually dating? That falls in the category of "none of her business."
You did indicate it is not official; so the title given to your post is misleading in calling him your boyfriend. Sometimes the titles are created by the moderator. No harm done.
You are an adult, and you pick and choose your companions according to your own tastes and needs. Your mother's judgement and scrutiny over who you see is irrelevant.
You're over 30, not 16! At which time it didn't matter to tell your parents anything, as far as teens go! There are some things you do not need to share; unless it has some particular relevance or purpose. Why your mother needs to know he is bi is quite baffling?
In fact, it would be up to him if he wished to share that information with her. Not you! Especially; when you're not yet a committed couple. You've never even had a talk about becoming official. So I don't know how you can even consider it serious?
It's serious when you both mutually decide to make it official. Even then; it's none of your mother's business regarding his sexual-orientation or your sex-life in general. It's up to him to share that personal information. Especially if you anticipate that it will create anxiety for her; or she will harshly judge him.
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