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How to tell her I'm not in the mood without pissing her off?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 January 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 3 January 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend and I used to rarely be sexual because she would be so stresed / depressed that it would take that drive away from her. Now that shes less stressed she is probably more in the mood, but I have talked to her about when shes not been stressed how it is unfair for me to almost never do anything sexual. I think now she is almost making up for lost time. A lot of people would think that I'm crazy for complaining, but I have a porn addiction and I no longer watch it, but it used to control me. I don't want to be a sex addict. I used to hookup with her either the few times that we were both in the mood at the same time or the times that she would want to. Now lately when I'm in the mood we seem to and then she might do it even when I'm not I guess her way of making up for lost time. How do I tell her sometimes I'm not in the mood without keeping her from being more expressive. I like this new trend I'm just afraid of how far it may go.

View related questions: depressed, in the mood, porn, sex addict

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks yes I agree with this notion. I'm just worried that because earlier she was not sexual and now she's trying to make up for it / she's starting to realize that it feels really good, so now shes much more into it. If it keeps up at this pace I definitely will need to tell her I want to slow it down. I guess I just don't want to confuse her too much because earlier I was telling her not enough, but at the same time I have to communicate. Solid advice my friend.

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A male reader, dasonras United States +, writes (3 January 2009):

You need to be clear and direct with her. If you have a strong relationship built on trust and communication this should be easy for your two to talk about.

What guy wouldn't want his GF to be all over him? - yes I guess this is a generalization that many men will believe...but the truth to the matter is that this is just a myth. I had read an article recently about how men love to fool around with loose women but want to settle down with nice girls. I can personally relate to this notion, and I'm sure you can too. Constant wild sex fulfills a basic primal urge which is good. But no guy want to be with a girl that makes him question "where's she been? and how did she get so good at it? - do i want to know?"

So your feeling that you do not want sex from her all the time might be a sign that you appreciate her on a much deeper level than a physical one. Explain this to her if it is the case.

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