A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I went to a party with a friend, where I was able to meet this guy. We spoke a bit at the party but we didn't flirt. Throughout the entire night, I was attempting to set him up with my friend by trying to initiate in conversation and get them talking (my friend has a small crush). As soon as I got home, he added me on Facebook and we started talking. Since I knew my friend had a crush on him, I didn't talk to him as much. I practically ignored him for about two weeks; and when we did speak, I kept mentioning my friend. Two weeks ago, I began to talk to this guy again and we got really close. My friend has been sexting and flirting with this other guy, which is why I began talking to the guy from the party.At the beginning he was really sweet and said that he thought I was pretty and I had a nice smile (said it more than once). I decided to go to the party at the last minute, so I went without makeup and was dressed up in jeans and a long sleeved shirt(so there was no sexual appeal/visible skin). When we were talking online, he said that he couldn't stop looking at me and that and I caught him a couple of times (I didn't actually). He joked about how one of his friends even mentioned to him how he usually doesn't talk to girls like that. Later on he told me he had a crush on me so I kind of began flirting with him from there. After a while we began to share sexual experiences and fetishes. We just asked each other dirty questions for fun. One day, while we were playing that game, he got mad at me because I wasn't playing very well. I'm a virgin and I've never had a boyfriend before so I didn't know what to say. He's had a lot of experience and wanted me to turn him on. At that point, I just said that I had to leave. As soon as I said that he apologized and said he loved me. I tried to change the topic so I wouldn't have to say it back but then he repeated it...at that point I had said it back. It ended pretty well but I felt a little bad that I couldn't impress him. The next day I made it up to him (through chat) and he was turned on by the end of it. He was meant to hang out with friends but he left them for an hour just to talk to me. We sent each other photos and it was really sweet (not sexual photos). He texted me back the next morning and asked me how I was which I found nice. Now that it's September, he's busy with university and his job. We haven't spoken much since even though he's always online. I'm giving him his space and I don't need to speak to him every day. The thing that annoys me is his statuses. For example, when a female asked if he had a girlfriend, he said no. He even posted something about how his friend's sisters were off limits but their cousins were not (he said that that status was dedicated to someone special). Now I feel like he's a player.We haven't spoken properly in a week. He sent me short heys, but when I replied he didn't reply back. A couple of days later he texted me, letting know that he got promoted at work. I congratulated him and said that I wanted to talk to him about something and asked him to get back to me when he had time...it's been a couple of days and he hasn't. Yesterday I texted him a screenshot of this woman trying to flirt with me as a joke and he found it funny. Last week when he didn't talk to me for a week I said, "I thought you were ignoring me" and then he replied by saying "how could I ever ignore you?" I know he's busy but I'm starting to think he doesn't like me anymore. My question is, am I being used? I like him but now I'm not sure if just wants me to talk dirty with him. When I sent him an article title he got bored and told me to change the topic. He's slightly older than I am so he's quite experienced. He told me about these girls trying to flirt with him at work. Girls love him!!! I don't mind that a lot of girls flirt with him; I just want to be in a committed relationship so that I don't have to feel like he flirts with everyone. Firstly should I even ask him in the first place? Secondly, how should I ask without sounding too desperate and clingy?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (14 September 2013):
If you want something do not be afraid to ask for it. Whether you are a virgin or not is really none of his business. Dont sell yourself short. With all the sexual help and aid when you Google search the topic, even a virgin could probably pull some magic out of a hat and probably turn heads with even the most seasoned sex expert in bed. But sex texting should really be reserved for a couple that are committed and monogamous with each other. In my case, my girlfriend of three years is only now doing what you did with this guy who really is almost a total stranger to you. I as a man really dont like it but my sweetheart needs and wants that kind of acts to keep the bonds between us strong. I cant and wont argue that fact. Start dating the old fashion way and i think you will have a more rewarding and fulfilling life experiences in your future. Good-luck.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 September 2013):
Before you tell a guy you want a committed relationship from him you have to have a relationship in the first place. What you describe sounds like it's far from being at that point.
The first and most important question is obviously "would sex be legal if it were to happen?" If not; there's your answer to why he hasn't shown much interest.
If it is, then what you have to do is start asking him out on dates. DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM FOR AWHILE. If you do it too soon, you'll be setting the tone of the relationship. Don't rely on what he says to determine whether or not he likes you. Make sure his actions match.
In all honesty, it sounds like you two just aren't meant to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): Noooo, you should not ask him! Give it time... as time goes by, you will see his true intentions being revealed. Don't allow his experience and pressure push you further than you are ready for. You don't want to regret anything one day.So take it easy, you have chatted a bit, flirted, traded some secrets but it's still every early days! He needs to prove he is definitely interested, and only when you go out on dates, see each other regularly and establish a proper connection can you even begin to think about going exclusively, never mind getting intimate. Hold out, don't give in, or you will be played! Keep your standards high and make sure before doing anything.Exactly, it will come across as desperate and clingy that just because you've been talking, etc you now want exclusivity? His status and comments are all just fun and general. He has shown no indication you are significant above the rest. He is interested but is very flaky. He must be consistent so you have NO DOUBT he is really and truly interested, into you, longer than a week or two.
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