A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this is going to sound weird but I always say yes to people even if i don't want to do it. This weekend I'm going away but i don't want to. These people are supposed to be my friends but they are planning against me. They hate my boyfriend even though he treats me like a queen. They think I can do better than him and they try to whisper poison in my ear like saying he does things like drink or whatever silly stuff really. The other night one of my friends tried hooking me up with another guy and i said no and she went berserk! I love my boyfriend but these girls have a vendetta against me and him. We're supposed to be friends. I feel Like I have to please everyone but this is torture! I have no money or nothing but I made a promise to go down and because 2 of my friends like a drink I know there will be a fight. I'm not looking forward it in the slightest. I'm suffering from anxiety and also suffer from Panic attacks. I don't know what to do How do I say no to people? How do I break the friendship all I want to do is try 2 make everyone happy but its costing me my happiness. Please help me
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (13 September 2013):
 When you're a warm, caring and sensitive person it's very hard to say no but, believe me you must learn.
Firstly, these girls are NOT friends. If they were they wouldn't be so unkind to you and say such hurtful things. A true friend may not like your boyfriend but they would not bad mouth him too you or try to set you up with other guys or have a vendetta against you both.
You say your boyfriend treats you like a queen and you love him that's fabulous and I'm so happy for you but these girls are cruel, unkind and selfish and (I'm sorry) using you.
Do NOT make excuses to these girls, you have no reason to make up stories and lie. Tell them you straight that you don't you want to go and leave it there. Do not say sorry or apologise, it shows weakness and you have nothing to be sorry for.
If they ask why, be honest and tell them straight, that they are treating you and your boyfriend disrespectfully when neither of you have done anything to deserve it and that real friends wouldn't be so unkind. Tell them that you choose not to spend time with people that make you feel bad and use you. They may apologise and beg you to go but that would only be because they need you in case they have to much to drink and that's their responsibility not yours. Stand your ground and say no, you don't want too.
I know this won't be easy for you but trust me, if nothing else they'll respect you more because they clearly don't at the moment. You need to stand up for yourself and your lovely boyfriend.
Stop trying to make everyone happy. You and your boyfriend deserve to be happy and you would be if it wasn't for these horrible girls, so kick them to the kerb, you really don't need them in your life.
Only worry about making happy those who truly deserve it and care enough to return the favour to you.
You're a really lovely girl and I hope you find the courage to do this.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 September 2013):
 They aren't using you to be the designated driver are they? I totally agree with the owl, tell them you can't afford to go away and that you will be staying home this weekend. Best excuse in the world because it's true.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): You can send your friends a "text message" and tell them you decided at the last minute you really just don't want to go. You can't afford to. The truth.
Ignore their messages and lay low for awhile.
As for your boyfriend, if these friends are all female; maybe they're a little jealous.
I do suggest that you listen to what they have to say; because there is sometimes an element of truth behind what people try to tell us. We get so wrapped up in our love and feelings, we sometimes ignore things that we might need to know. You don't have to believe everything, just make sure they're not true before dismissing everything. Especially, if it might hurt you. This is just a suggestion. A word to the wise. Girls in love don't always pay attention. They get hurt because of it.
If you find you can't say no to people, how is it so easy to ignore everything they tell you about your boyfriend?
People oddly find the power to do the things that matter to them the most. You put everything you have into sticking up for your boyfriend. Yet you bow to peer pressure when it comes to everything else. Think about that.
You don't give into their pressure when it comes to your boyfriend.
If you can find it within you to do it for him, you can do it for yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (13 September 2013):
 Who needs enemies when you have friends like yours. I would suggest if you cant say no, make an excuse that someone is ill and you cant go. You should consider changing your friends that are true and supportive. Remember friends that are around only for the good time are usually not there where things are rough. Try to distance yourself from these friends and join a new circle. Even it means keeping busy to avoid them.
...............................
A
male
reader, jiggaman22 +, writes (13 September 2013):
These friends are adding to your anxiety and panic attacks? I would assume so because I have suffered in the past with these things and it is not pleasant whatsoever.
If I was in your situation; I would cancel the trip, if you’re worried just make an excuse and say that you are sick.
Remove yourself from the situation, take a step back and recover from all these problems.
If they are truly your friends, they will respect your choice in man, however I could understand if they intervened if he was being a "jack***" towards you, which obviously he is not from what you have told us.
JiggaJigga
...............................
|
