A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been separated 5 years and divorced 3. He was the love of my life, it wasn't perfect, far from it. Generally we were happy. I thought after 17years I would grow old with him.Infidelity (His) became an issue, not once, not twice but the last time, in an abhorent way and I HAD to end it.I just can't stop loving him. We have once, had a frank conversation - saying we still loved each other. he is in a new relationship, with a child.I can't move on properly, although have happily dated. I can't forget him, I can't switch of loving him. I don't want him back, i want the bad past not to have happened and I want to have grown old with him. I know that can't be, but why can't i move on happily. How can you stop loving someone?Cassandra
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female
reader, kayakingkt  +, writes (12 November 2008):
I have lived your dilemma. I first had to love to learn myself by finding myself. I began by taking a kayaking class. I then took to taking scuba diving lessons and went on several trips with a group of people. I went diving with people I didn't know and learned to be with people again. I then took up running again. What I am saying is I learned to love myself again and then I started dating. I then made a list of what I wanted in a man as dating was not going well. After making a list I went to the internet and found someone. I really found a person who now fits into my life and values the life that I lead. The secret is that I loved myself again.
A
female
reader, nessa9111  +, writes (19 June 2008):
Hello Cassandra, Im curious as to whether or not you managed to fall out of love with that special someone? .. I also fell in love a couple years back and after three amazing years he ended up with someone else. I was totally devistated because althought i was young i thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. But i find although it was over a year and a half ago that we split up, i still think about him almost everyday in some say. I dont want to. and even days when i am beyond busy or with someone else... i just think about my old boyfriend. I think more people should comment on your question. I just hope that i will fall in love with someone else and be able to love them they way i loved my old boyfriend.Hope your over your divorcee. take care
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Hello Cassandra
I was in the same sad state you are in now. I fell in love with a girl for the first time ever and we had children etc. Agter 4 years things went really bad but i never fell out of love with her. She went to another guy and eventually we got back together. being with another guy didn't work for me. It only lasted another year and a half before i couldn't take it any longer. The pain and thought of another guy with her, it killed me inside. Problem was i never fully got over her. I dated again after her but it just wasn't the same. After 6 months i met a girl that i finally fell in love with. This was the only thing that made me get over my ex. Problem now is that this new girl and i have broken up now too and i feel i am back where i started only this time in love with someone else. I give up
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Hi Cassandra - I know exactly what you mean. Fortunately I think I have got over this myself. You do it by introducing more into you life. You haven't said much more about yourself so I 'll leave it at that.
Good luck
Richard
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Unfortunately it's not something anyone can answer sweetie! Everyone's different in how they move on after losing a relationship. Some people I believe we find that we will love for the rest of our lives, even though life and other things intrude and make it impossible to actually share a life with that person. The best I can tell you is to find a way to continue to be happy in your life, and know that if the feelings are true maybe one day you'll be able to be with him again. However it sounds as though there is a big problem with trust and I'm sure you've heard it or even said it yourself, if you can't trust them...yeah...you know where that is going already I'm sure. Trust is a part of love. Without that I really doubt it's possible that this is wholehearted love. It sounds like you know you should move on, just want to find ways outside of dating other men...maybe not having this person as a part of your life will help. walk away totally and completely and leave him behind and hope that the residual feelings go with him...best of luck!
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