A
female
age
30-35,
*uphieRose
writes:My boyfriend isn't particularly social, but he does have a few close boy mates. He especially isn't one for particularly talking to girls. We met in an unexpected situation and have now been together for 2 years and 2 months despite our 2 hour distance. However, the dilemma occurred when my boyfriend started talking to this girl who lives within in his area. They are very alike in nearly every way, I cannot describe one thing he likes that she doesn't. He is constantly talking to her, and talking to me about her. I feel that he thinks she is more attractive than me, because of her general style, the way she dresses and the fact she is shorter than him, whereas I am not, and he constantly comments on how she is the only girl he has met that has his humour (minus me).I sat down and spoke to him about how it made me feel uncomfortable and uneasy knowing that they talk. He reassured me that nothing was going on, that I was the girl for him, that I was far more beautiful, and that he loves my personality for who I am which is why he is with me. Many of his friends comment on how he talks about me, and even his mum said he was smitten with me.However, i recently discovered that he had willingly given his mobile number to her, the only girl (minus me) that he has given his number too, when he promised he wouldn't. Then I asked him, if we weren't going out, and me and this other girl were standing in front of him, which of the two of us would he pick, (it was just a passing question); he said he preferred her style but then backtracked by say how beautiful I am and how he loves my personality then decided to merely avoid the question.I feel all of this is really making me loose any self-confidence I had initially, and I just don't know how to tackle the problem of feeling so threatened and jealous.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): All I can say is that I have been the 'girl mate' in a similar situation, and rather than wanting the girlfriend to be uncomfortable or threatened by me, I encouraged my friend to bring her along to hang out. I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about here, there doesn't seem to be anything suspicious happening, especially if you're the girl that he talks about to his friends and family.
He just has a close friend that happens to be a girl and wants to continue being friends with her, while also being with you, the girl he loves, and keeping you happy.
Perhaps you could suggest all hanging out together one time, or invite her out along with other friends? Maybe meeting her in person will help you feel less threatened by her, and it might be what you need to feel more comfortable about the whole thing.
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