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How to sort it out with sponging friend?

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Question - (21 May 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 22 May 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been best friends with my bestie for about five years and we've had our fall outs, for like three months at a time sometimes, but always made up. We've had some really great times together and i am forever grateful for how hes always been there for me. The only issue ive had with him is that he never pays his own way. Its always take, take, take with him. He's not polite either, and always rude to my boyfriend who tries his best with him and pays for him. I confronted my friend about this problem, i told him the world doesnt owe him a living and he should sign on or something or at least bring his own food when he visits because we really don't have the money to pay for another person. Especially not since i'm pregnant. And he basically called me a silly bitch and told me how ungrateful i am and that i shouldn't invite him anywhere if i dont want to pay for him. I was trying my best to be nice about the situation and he was really horrible in return, which to be honest i expected. He's not the most grown up of the bunch.

What has annoyed me is he always hints that i'm leaving him behind since i moved cities to live with my bf, so i invite him down to make him happy. He's very manipulative and my mums always warned me against him and never liked him.

The thing is, because i always spent all my time with him my other friends have all disappeared along the way and now all i have is my boyfriend and his friends. Which dont get me wrong, im happy with. But if me and my bf break up, then what do i have? I'll have noone to spend my time with. And now since he's gone i have noone to turn to. I guess i was using him really, which is horrible, but depending on him because i had nobody else...

I'm going through a hard time with the pregnancy as well and thats all on my mind and i dont need this extra stress but its really worrying me because i feel like i should sort it with him even though hes been an absolute plonker!

View related questions: best friend, money

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (22 May 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony auntoh really good news hun glad to hear it :)

you look towards the future and your family!

:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks for your help! you are both so right :) i know that hes the one in the wrong and i did nothing wrong by confronting him about his sponging :) ive blocked him now so he cant give me any rubbish. i'm going to focus on my own life from now on :)xx

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (21 May 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony aunthun don't be his friend he's just using you and if he says fine don't invite me anywhere you're not willing to pay then say fine by me! save my money.

you don't need a worthless loser like that and you don't need this stress especially if you're pregnant at least your boyfriends been supportive of you and tried to be friend him but he clearly doesn't want to know and obviously won't pay you guys back.

and those friends you lost are not obviously true friends and neither is this guy he needs to depend on himself rather than other people he needs to get his own money.

and you're not horrible for depending on him you TRY to depend on him but he depends more on you and your money.

you are better off out of this.

and you'll make new friends don't worrya bout that!!!

new friends are easily made and they WON'T leave you this time.

best of luck to you :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009):

So, is your boyfriend still with you or not? Especially since you're pregnant, it is critical that you two stay together no matter what. From what you've said, he's a great discplined boyfriend. Recognize this: friends are expendable. Loved ones are not. Judging all you've said, your life's friendships have been very poor in quality considering your description of your "best" friendship. His rudeness, immaturity, and insensitivity is proof enough that he's really just a leech. Get rid of him. He's not your child, nor is he the future father of your child. Making new friends is not an impossibility. Life is too short to be wasted on the wrong people.

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