A
male
age
41-50,
*ightWing11
writes:I while ago I broke up with my gf because my (former) best buddy lied to me and made me believe that she had tried to cheat on me with him. At the time she told me it was the opposite; that he was the one who wanted to be with her and could not take a no for a answer and to get back at her, he lied to get her in trouble. Turns out she was the honest one. My (former) friend confessed the truth. The problem is that back then, when I believed him, I treated her real bad. I wanted to hurt her the same she had hurted me, or so I thought she had. In the process I rubbed in her face I had broken a promise we both made to each other; that neither one of us should go to strip clubs. She always kept hers, but I did not keep mine. Now that I am trying to fix what I did to her, I can't stop feeling guilty about breaking that promise, after all, now I know she could have done the same thing me the day my friend came on to her, but she didn't. At the end of it all she proved that she is the one who can be trusted and I am not. She, of course, is upset about what I did. She says she feels disappointed that deep down I am one of those men who expect his girl to be honest but does not intended to return the favor. And she is right, I did behave just like that. I expected her not to do anything inappropriate with other men, yet I was going to strip clubs and interacting with strips in ways I would never accept her doing with other men. I never have sex/oral sex with strips or anything like that, but we both agreed once that lap dances alone were a huge NO for both of us in our relationship. I just want to fix the trust I broke. After all, as she said, now I know that when put to the test, she was honest and loyal to me, but I was not. How can I fix the mess I did?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): i can relate to your ex gf! My ex thought he was 100% sure i was cheating, so he did just that, to spite me.When it came out that i did not 100% cheat on him, he felt a prize idiot and regrets to this day what he did.But it cant be fixed. He betrayed the trust we had.I know a strip club isnt half as bad as cheating and bedding someone, but still because you both fully agreed that a strip club was a "no-no" then the level of trust broken remains the same on par as cheating, because it was agreed not to do it.i think all you can do is like said before, grovel and beg forgiveness! if she doesnt think its enough youl have to accept your both over.
A
male
reader, NightWing11 +, writes (23 September 2012):
NightWing11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI all took place within a month. My friend confessed to another frined of mine while a bit drunk. The next day I contacted my girlfriend and apologized like crazy. The thing is that she has given me a second chance. She says that she also made the mistake of believing the wrong person before in her life too, so she says she can relate. The issue is that I want to make sure she understands I learned my lesson the hard way, and will not behave like that again. Thanks for the opinion.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 September 2012):
 I would be very surprised if this relationship can be fixed. You don't tell us what the time frame was, only that it was a while ago, the longer it gets between you behaving like a prize twat and now trying to correct your errors the harder it will be for you to atone. If "a while ago' was just a few days or weeks the best thing to do would be to contact your ex girlfriend and start grovelling on your hands and knees.
If it was more than a month ago it is going to be harder, and if it was three months or more, hey, what took you so long you prize jerk?
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