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male
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*handy
writes: I have posted before but maybe someone could advice me further or point me in the right direction. It's been three months since my 17 year relationship ended with my ex-girlfriend. Lookin back we had problems communicating with each and our frustrations of not been together 24/7 because we both worked at distance. When we were together things were brillent its only when we parted to get on with our working lives that arguments developed. I proposed to here on two occasions last year, on both occasions she accepted but a couple of days later she changed her mind. On the last occasion I proposed to her at work and she accepted we went and informed her parents and it was just a matter of telling my family. But a few days later she changed her mind and informed me over the phone. At the time I just thorght it might be better to give her some space to think things over. She didn't bother contacting me for three weeks, so I had to see her to find out where I stood and basicaaly she ended the relationship. Since I needed closure I turned up at her workplace and she was shocked to see me since another guy had turned up to pick her up in her car. She wouldnt go back home to discuss things so we ended up in a netural place but she went back home to bring her friend with her. At the time I could not understand her behaviour but I suppose she was so weak and immature she needed back up. At this stage she informed me that she had found someone else after three weeks of my proposal.I have written to her to get closure but I haven't had no reponse, there are so many questions I have left to ask but I feel that she has left me hanging on in limbo. If she has cheated on me well that's was her choice, I don't feel angry towards quite the opposite, it's obvious she is seeking attention that I was not giving. I have been true and faithfully to her all these years but I cant prove that she has cheated on me but life does give you a fair idea that after all these years together you don't reject a marriage proposal.She has recently suffered from depression and did start going out with a work collegue to nightclubs. I am trying so hard to move forward but am finding it difficult and I know that the whole situation is so childish but she has made the choice to throw 17 years away and jump into another relationship and which is probably highly dangerous for her but that's her choice. How do I move forward? Is it wise to do what she has done and start a new relationship now or is it best just to take time out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): i think it's crappy that she just moved on with someone else after 3 weeks. that must be really hard for you to deal with. but i don't recommend that you just start dating right away. you should probably take some time to figure yourself out and get over her as best as possible. it seems as though it'd be pretty much impossible to be with someone else right now because you'd probably think of your ex the whole time. which isn't fair. anyway, someone in a 17 relationship who just breaks thing off and immediately begins dating someone else, i could see as needing attention. maybe you weren't giving enough attention? either way, i don't think what she has is serious with that new man. it's probably just a way to try and move on from you. anyway, good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): Dude...you have a crummy look on her as a person and as a woman. You see her as weak and immature. Seriously; then why want her?
I have to question why you would say such things about someone you "care" for.
Depression? Was this in due to how you treated her? If you can say openly to us that she is weak and immature...you have said these things to her and other things like it and that would be wrong. That would be part of the cause of her leaving and finding someone else who can love her for her, who would encourage her to grow in loving ways.
Let her go. Move on. Get counselling.
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