A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am looking for advice please, about meeting and dating girls.I am very overweight, and sometimes can be very underconfident. I know it is possible that my weight won't put someone off, as I have been in a relationship, but now I am uncertain about myself again.what advice can you give??(don't just say work on losing weight, that's obvious, but it's a long term process)
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (26 July 2010):
Sexy starts in the mind, and the body follows. I have overweight women that can make men beg to have a cold shower...Why? Their minds. They know they are overweight, but the ranchy stuff they have in their minds make them look slim, and make guys wonder what can she really do.
So the question is... Are you woman hear me roar??? Their is an animal in every woman, and only their minds can let it lose. No matter their size.
So, what kind of mind you packing???
A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (26 July 2010):
Well you know the answer - you're just putting off acting on it.Meanwhile, maybe there are dating websites for persons of heavy build and you could try and meet someone off there for whatever - who knows if you hit it off you could do a joint diet-and-exercise plan and lose weight together ? But the truth is you'll have a lot more options if you diet down to a slim ass ( say 30 - 32" pants waist size if you are 6ft tall ).Do as advised and report back on your findings !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): Your lack of self confidence is about the worst thing you can show. Your weight is a big problem, but first you have to gain some confidence in yourself if your looking to date. A good woman could look past your weight issue easier than a lack of confidence. They don't like wimps which is what your lack of confidence shows them. Try a few how to date a woman books to give you some ideas to stay confident. I know losing weight is hard and takes time. Maybe dating will help the fight with your weight. Best wishes
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A
female
reader, karen1989  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Once you've lost the weight you'll regain that confidence that is so essential when it comes to women. Be careful about how your new confidence will shine though..you don't want to come across arrogant.
It doesnt sound like your ever going to be confident the size that your at now,you seem quite concious about it. When people have a flaw amongst themselves whether its there weight, skin, hair etc if its fixable then its worth doing something about it.
Good luck :)
Karen.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Well I would like to state the obvious...lose weight. But not for your romantic chances, do it for your health. As you get older and your metabolism slows down then you will find it harder to get your weight down and maintain it. It is better to make a plan now for change. You don't have to diet and do marathon races at 6am. Just cut down on the carbohydrates and do some gentle exercise like walking. In fact, you never know who you might meet at the local park as you are wandering around...or perhaps a community slimmers club...or the gym. As you become fitter you will find that you feel stronger - physically and emotionally. If you have a very negative view of yourself then you are projecting that on other people. Basically a girlfriend of whatever background won't make you feel better about yourself, only you can do that. Ladies will find you attractive whatever your size if you have a bubbly personality and an ability to make them laugh. However you have to feel better about yourself as the first step and getting fit will help you with your confidence.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): It sounds like you already know that having confidence is everything. In fact, I think that men who are physically "imperfect" tend to attract more genuine women who aren't superficial, so consider yourself at an advantage. I have had friends who were ripped and they went through women like underwear. They wound up frustrated and lost. I'm with a gorgeous girl right now who has dated or at least been attracted to some very overweight guys, and it's been because she likes "real men" and the person they are...not just theor physical attributes. Women like a guy who takes care of himself, and while weight is the obvious manefestation of that, there are other ways to indicate you take care of yourself. Good hygiene, grooming and a nice wardrobe. Keep your car clean and maintained. Keep your residence neat and decorate with things that interest you so it puts off the vibe that you have a strong sense of creativity and knowledge. You'll have to work harder, but it will pay off. And yes, find a way to lose weight or at least eat right if you can. If not for them, do it for you. You dont want to get diabetes later in life...it can cause impotence, and then you'll really be up a creek.
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