A
female
age
36-40,
*ucky03
writes:There's a guy I've been into for a really long time. We always would flirt and it seems like there was something there between us. Well we complicated things by hooking up and had a baby. The damaging part is that when I found out I was pregnant I was dating my ex so he assumed the baby was that guy's. We did paternity and it is my crush/hook ups baby. It's been months and we've became friends and flirt alot and get along well. He helps out financially and seems to be a good guy. I have other children as well from a previous relationship. My other kids are way older and it's been many years since that relationship. My question is do I have a chance with my baby's dad as in a relationship or has our past ruined what we could be? Does he think if me as just a hook up and always will? I know he's scared and it's a lot to take on other children besides his own. We are getting together this weekend to talk about things. I just don't know what to say or how to approach things as I want to have a relationship with him and don't want to scare him off? I feel I am a loyal, honest and good woman. I have a great career and everything but it seems like men don't like me because I have children. Any advice with telling him how I feel without him running away.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (29 July 2015):
What do you mean, run away? He can’t ignore you or run away from you because you have a child together. What you mean, I think, is that if he doesn’t want a relationship with you, he might distance himself from you and keep your interaction purely to matters concerning your child. Perhaps, but it’s obviously hard for you with this uncertainty hanging over you so at least you’ll know where you stand. You say you’re getting together to “talk about things,” but I’m not sure what that means. If it means how you take things forward, the only thing you can do is to be direct about what you want. I would suggest you pitch it as going for some dates and seeing how it goes, and that way, if he does have an interest in exploring the potential of a relationship, it’s not too much, too soon. Yes, you have a complicated history, but that doesn’t change the fundamental truth that something that is lasting takes time to build. Will he always see you as a hook-up? I don’t know, but if you’re going to change your relationship then it has to be built anew. Bombard him with marriage and step kids in the first 5 minutes and, of course, that’ll scare him off, and wouldn’t be right for you either. So I would be honest that you have feelings and tell him you would consider dating if that’s what he wants. Reassure him that, whatever, you’ll respect his feelings and that this is separate from his role as dad to that child.
I wish you all the very best.
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