A
male
age
30-35,
*kybreeze26
writes:So I am in a situation where my one and a half year old son, fiancee, and myself are living together with her mom and dad's house so we can save money. Of course it has turned into a complete disaster. My fiancee and I now argue over things like me trying to tell my son not to throw his head down on the ground after that he starts to cry, and is like, "great look what you did, you know no is his trigger word" All I asked was for five minutes of peace. Really after a few more words were said to me and a remote being chucked at my head the only negative thing I said was your acting insane. Which wasn't the smartest idea, but I couldn't calm her down enough, so she wouldn't do this in front of my son, after having the remote thrown at me I had enough. She screamed at me to get out of her house and then I went outside in tears. When her mom was coming up to find out what was going on my fiancee yelled at her to but out, and then all I see is her grabbing my son to go god knows where?I didn't want to see her getting into an accident with my son in the car so I got in.She wouldn't let me drive at first, so she could yell at me, how it's all my fault we wound up here, because she never wanted to be in this house, and that her dad is always talking rubbish about us. I am in a position where I do not want to be with her because of all the fights with no reconciliation and the resentment. However at the same time I don't want to leave my son in this mad house, because I can see her dad talking more rubbish to her, while she's trying to deal with a two year old.I don't want these people influencing my son and I am afraid of either choice, because they both suck.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 July 2015):
 I forgot to add that your son is probably picking up on your stress (and there stress of the whole adult household) so maybe... next time he is doing something you don't want him to do, TRY a different approach? Like get up, get down to his level or pick him up and talk to him. Doesn't HAVE to be a long explanation or speech you give him. But if you were just YELLING/saying loudly... no! or Don't do that! you probably scared him. HE is a year and a half - while babies and toddlers are smart.... raising your voice never yields the result you'd want.
It would be like me telling one of my cats NO! - Like they care? Or fully understand. They might stop because my voice sounded harsh or scary.
So if the wee bugger is throwing fits, MAYBE BE the parent and figure out WHY he was doing it? Like is he tired, hungry, needs a fresh nappy or JUST some positive attention.
Also, if you guys have to stay there, I'd suggest when you aren't working to GET out of the house - go to the park, go for a walk. Leave the drama behind if only for an hour.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 July 2015):
Yeah living with your in-laws is NOT going to work. It puts way to much stress on your fiance, you and your son (and the in-laws) so... YOUR priority is to find a place you can afford and get your son out of there asap. If your fiance follows.. good, if not..
A child will hear NO a million times before they turn adults - it's nuts to think that no is a "trigger" word - however IT will become a trigger word for his tantrums IF you let him get away with it.. Kids are smart. Some learn early on how to manipulate adults. But they are also sensitive and not at all able to cope with stress.
So first priority is GET out of there.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (29 July 2015):
 When I say you need to get out of there ASAP, I mean you, your fiancee and your child need to get out of there ASAP.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (29 July 2015):
Living with parents or in-laws does not work when you're older, especially if you have children.
You need to get out of there ASAP. This is way more important than the money you're saving. The longer you leave it, the more chance your relationship with your in-laws and fiancee will be damaged beyond repair.
Your fiancee sounds slightly crazy if she thinks you shouldn't say no to a child!! Of course you need to say no to children sometimes, and they need to accept it when you do! Some children are strong-willed and disobedient, whereas others are compliant and content. Your fiancee needs to realise that the parents are in charge, not the child!
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