A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My partner has told me that he would like to propose to me soon. I was wondering how you know when they are the one?We've been together for 7 years. I do love him and we've been through a lot of hard times, we are comfortable with each others flaws and I know I can trust him. We work through problems well and I feel generally lost when he isn't with me, like I'm missing something. I feel comforted around him. I can't say that I get all butterflies and woozy around him anymore, but I feel whole when he's there. I find sex difficult and can't really get the flame burning in me emotionally like I used to. I feel easily distracted and sex is more something pleasant than passionate to me. I've never been able to orgasm either. I'm wondering if this is all just down to me not knowing myself enough or is it just something odd with us that won't be fixed? I don't think he is doing anything wrong. I'm just wondering if because I'm not all rose glasses and butterfly over him and sex not that great, does that mean we aren't that compatible for marriage or is the absence of butterflies just part of growing up and sex just something I need to personally work on? Is there such a thing as people just not working or not being a good match in bed but personally be good in relationship? Is sex just something you learn?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2014): I married my husband after 7 years, I was 23 and he had just turned 24. I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else, when others grew apart we grew together. We've supported each other in achieving our goals and love being in each other's company. Like a previous poster said, you just know. We are happily married but not yet having children, we have years ahead of us, want to be settled in our careers and see more of the world before that commitment! I imagine perhaps the thought of marriage has prompted you into thinking about your future but had it not come up, would you be feeling this way? To be honest, you sound like a happy couple. But if you genuinely don't want to spend the rest of your life with this guy then now is the time to say, rather than waiting for a proposal - but I think you just need time assess your feelings.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (6 January 2014):
 When you know, you just know. That's all I know how to say in response to that.
I used to ask my married friends this same question - how did they know their partner was the one. They all said the just knew it in their hearts. I always thought they were full of crap. Then it happened to me.
When you know, you just know. Lol.
Butterflies do not make a relationship. That's the honeymoon phase. However, I do believe you should still feel that way for your partner on occasion, or still have that spark.
It sounds like you two do have a great thing. Any maybe you can work on getting that spark back, seeing as how relationships take work! But you need to speak up about sex. That's got to be a problem. You deserve to be fulfilled sexually, as well. Without that, you may feel like something is missing!
Anyway, remember those words: you'll just know it.
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