A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So my partner is one of three children. He has a different father to the younger two and sees this dad as his also. He has no interest in his biological 'father' since he never had anything to do with him.Last night I was drinking with my mother in law and she blurted out that my partners father had committed some very bad crimes and had gotten out of jail just two years ago, but my partner hasn't been told this yet (he doesn't know about the crimes).This is a huge bombshell and I know it wasn't my fault that I now know but I feel horrible that I know before him and about what's happened.I definitely will not tell him, that's not for me to do, and his mother and I spoke about whether he was ready to know that or not and how it would affect him.I could do with ANY advice on what to do it his situation. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 What a horrible situation to be in!
If you're not going to tell him (and for what it's worth I completely agree with you it's not your place to tell him) I think you need to consider what his reaction could be if he discovers that you knew and didn't say anything?
I think you need to find out why his mum is keeping the information from him and or why he even needs to know. I also think you need to be sure about what you will say to your boyfriend if and when he finds out.
If the news upsets him and he then finds out you knew and didn't tell him, he may well feel betrayed by you so you have to be clear about why you haven't divulged the information.
I do think however that, once he knows, you should not try to pretend that you don't know. If you do and he finds out later that you already knew then you would have lied to him
and that could well undermine your relationship.
Just a point to think on, you say your bf doesn't have any interest in his biological father as he never knew him so it could be argued that he might well be indifferent to his father's current status.
It's also strange that he's been out of prison for two whole years before your boyfriend's mother see this news as being of any interest to her son.
I don't envy your dilemma, but in a nutshell, if it were me I would keep quiet out of respect for his mother BUT would come clean that I knew about the information at the point that he knows and tells me about it, ensuring he understands that his mother requested I say nothing until he was told.
I also think that it's very important that you tell no-one else of this information (not that I think you would).
I hope this helps and wish you well AB x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): Wow, I can see how this would come as a shock.
Keep it to yourself, the likelihood is that his mum will tell him and even say that you knew, if not, he will tell you himself. Just be there for him, it's a big thing to find out, especially after all these years.
Don't worry too much about it, just let it slide from your memory, after all, it's not like your boyfriend has done anything wrong.
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