A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello thereI have been trying to get over my porn addiction, its really difficult, i will go about 3-4 days without it. But i just cant do itI am a Christian but i havnt gone to church in agesI really miss connecting with God, and i need help :DPlease help me Resist Temptation :D
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 September 2011):
 When feminists first became concerned with pornography it was because it had the possibility of inciting violence. It was rough/aggressive, but rarely actually portrayed violence. Modern pornography has gotten MORE violent over the years to the point where nowadays 88.2% of mainstream pornography contains violence against women. If feminists were concerned about violence against women in pornography and the violence has become much more extreme and much more common, not only is a feminist problem with pornography not "outdated" it's more relevant than ever.
I'm also a bit confused on what "scientific truth" you are referring to as the vast, vast, vast majority of scientific studies on pornography find that it without question has a negative impact on consumers. In fact the only studies I can think of that don't report a negative impact rely on fairly flawed correlations or self reporting. And believe me, I've read through hundreds and hundreds of these studies, including meta-analyses.
Also it isn't feminists who jump to conclusions about whether consumers of pornography objectify women, I have over 100 quotes from consumers themselves saying that they view them as objects. Not my interpretation, they actually use the word object in their description. There is no interpretation. Not to mention the mental gymnastics that allow consumers to view a recording of a real human being actually performing a real act and think it's a fantasy.
The reason we directed the OP to feminist views on pornography was because it provided a more concrete reason to feel negatively (and thus motivated to stop).
A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Don't waste your time reading outdated feminist propaganda that ignores scientific truth when convenient and focuses on how the male porn consumer supposedly hates and objectifies women. Much feminist doctrine will run contrary to your Christian values anyway (unless you approve of promoting abortion throughout the world, demonizing men, and eroding the traditional family structure). No one would ever tell a woman suffering from anorexia to go seek help and guidance from a men's rights group.
There are far better anti-porn resources out there from a variety of perspectives: psychological, spiritual, religious. I'd only suggest supplementing religious resources with at least some psychology, because religion has tended to offer rather unhelpful and simplistic solutions (like simply flee from temptation and be pure).
A relatively new approach is called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which, as its name implies, holds that "mindful observation and acceptance of urges to watch pornography help people to make choices more in accordance with their values. Trying to suppress these urges often backfires instead."
The developer of ACT, Dr. Steven C. Hayes, wrote in the Huffington Post:
"...there is an ironic process in problematic viewing. Struggling with urges to view leads to more viewing and more psychological problems. In other words, the normal ways we know to reduce things in our lives (avoid or deliberately change what you do not want) has the exact opposite effect than what was intended.
"Here is the recipe. Take an urge or an odd thought; mix thoroughly with negative emotions, sensations or images; then fold in a heaping helping of suppression and avoidance (pushing out of mind, engaging in ritualistic undoing). Voila. Obsessive stew.
"Suppressive avoidance is what the mind knows how to do. A highly religious young man struggling with pornography viewing is likely to criticize himself horribly, and then try to eliminate the urge and suppress all thoughts about it. It almost looks as though that is the moral thing to do, but instead this research suggests that it is a route toward more struggle, more suffering and ironically, toward more obsessive viewing."
In the first controlled study of the treatment of porn addiction, Acceptance and Commitment proved beneficial:
"As participants learned to accept the urge, to watch it rise and fall mindfully, to embrace themselves in a kinder and less judgmental way, and to pivot toward valued actions, something remarkable happened. Viewing became far less frequent, but what was remarkable was how that happened. People softened. Religious obsessions went down but positive commitments went up. Obsessive thinking was relieved and with it worry that unbidden thoughts alone cause harm. People became more accepting of their emotions and less entangled with their thoughts. And they were more able to act in accord with their values as a positive goal, carrying difficult thoughts and feelings with them in a more compassionate way."
Original article is here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd/watching-porn-the-problem_b_719149.html
You say you want to "resist temptation". Perhaps the answer is not to directly resist (ie. fight) temptation, nor to flee from it, but to transcend it, as the study participants did. I believe fighting takes too much energy to be sustainable, while fleeing gives something power over you and conditions you to fear it.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 September 2011):
Mariclaire's suggestion is a good one. Try reading some things about pornography from a feminist perspective. Here's a good place to start (it's short and free):
http://antipornfeminists.wordpress.com/whats-wrong-with-pornography/
Here are some other resources that could be helpful:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/
http://www.antipornmen.org/
The important thing here is that you want a balance. You want to recognize it's a negative influence enough that you're motivated to quit, BUT you don't want to dig yourself into a pit of despair or anything. If you make yourself too upset/depressed, you're going to be much more likely to fall back to porn use as a way to cope with your newly created negative feelings, and you don't want that.
If therapy isn't an option, either for financial reasons or something similar, there are groups online and in person for pornography and sex addiction. You may want to find someone you really trust who can put a child lock on your computer and hold onto the password.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): The first thing to do is to get rid of all materials that are porn related. Mags, videos, toys etc. Then consciously work on it. It may take a while, but its achievable. When does this urge normally come? If it's at night, try watching a good movie far into the night. Develop other interests sports, music, reading, try jogging. You'll be so tired you won't even think about it. Its an addiction so you have to work on it. Never mind how many times you fall back always remember you have a goal and keep working on it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): When dealing with addiction it is best to work with a support network. For example alcoholics have AA (Alcoholics Annonymous.) Why? Because you are working with people who understand what you are going through, and everyone there is working toward the same goal (beating the addiction.) I'm sure there is a similar group for porn addiction, I just don't know what they are called. I bet you that if you google a bit you will find their web site. Usually sites have features where you can get support from online users (like a forum) but also it has the information on meeting in live, face to face, groups. You don't have to go alone in your fight, and you will have higher success if you have support. Good luck!
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