A
male
age
36-40,
*oppelganger
writes:Ok here's the thing.Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years, but I have never seen her completely naked. She especially feels uncomfortable around the private area, and the stomach area. Therefore we are unable to take a shower together with the lights on, or have sex without her taking off all of her clothes, or going to a swimming pool/spa/sauna together.I try to give her lots of compliments, and I mean all of them because she is absolutely gorgeous (think of a bit thicker, 60-65kg, 175cm, Mila Kunis), to make her feel better about herself. I hoped that it would come by time that she would feel at least comfortable around me, but my patience is running low after 3 years, and it gets frustrating for me also.Each time (not often) I try to talk to her about it she start to get mad at me and it turns into a fight, without me getting to know any of the reasons why she feels this way.I think she feels this way because of two reasons:- First, If she gains a bit of weight her stomach is the first area that becomes larger.- Secondly, because she is from mediterranean origin, she has darker hair and is a bit hairier than probably most girls (from her private area towards her belly).And the thing with her "hairy" issue, is that she doesn't do anything about it. She does shave sometimes, but only once in 4-5 months around the private region (she does do her legs and arms every week). I've tried everything and she knows I appreciate it a lot when she shaves (I don't mind a bit but after two months I feel it needs to go). Myself I try to take care of my body with working out a bit, and also shaving my privates/armpits because I feel that is hygienic. I have tried the comedian approach by bringing it up lightly, I have asked her straight to the point, I gave her thousands of hints, I have explained that I think it is hygienic and clean to remove hair every now and then.And I know she knows that she needs to shave to, she just doesn't do it for whatever unknown reason it might be.So basically, I need answer to the following questions:- What can I do to make her feel more comfortable about herself?- How can I convince her to shave/wax/cream every now and then (at least once in two months, that isn't much to ask is it?)- How can I bring up the discussion lightly so it won't immediately turns into a fight.NOTE: this does affect our relationship, but would never be a reason to leave her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): I think she is probably feeling pressured by you keeping on bringing it up. I know that's not your intention, you sound like a nice understanding guy who puts a lot of effort in.But I really do think that you should not bring it up again, at all, ever. She will notice you not bringing it up and she'll probably start thinking about it herself and you might get somewhere. But having someone going on and on about the same thing over and over again is enough, for me at least, to not feel like doing anything about it. You shouldn't stop bringing it up in order to get results though, think of that as a bonus! You should stop bringing it up so she doesn't feel pressured.Hope that makes sense. Have a different focus, a more healthy one where you're both on the same page, might brig you even closer and with the pressure off who knows what next?Good luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): If it's cause for a fight, why bother?
She has body-image issues, and women with that problem carry them throughout a lifetime. They often drop these insecurities once they're married.
It's very frustrating. They spend most of their younger years comparing themselves to more attractive girls and women.
They blow their imperfections out of proportion; and any suggestion from a male is an insult; or an attack on her self-esteem. Women with body dysmorphic issues never change, or just get worse.
I am a man who holds hygiene high on my list with a partner. I don't really think hair down there is unhygienic. Maybe not that attractive on some people when it's extra course or thick. It gets sweaty or smelly. It can be a turnoff; but if they're stubborn about it, you have to back off. Accept it for what it is.
Of course it's blamed on men most of the time, that isn't always the case. It's insecurity. Plain and simple.
It's common in many cultures for women not to shave their pubic area; so it might be a little hard getting them to go against what they find unnecessary or uncomfortable. She may even find it ugly.
You work out and have a nice build. How do you think her chubby tummy makes her feel? It comes across as something you would be critical or highly aware of. So she doesn't feel comfortable being fully exposed in comparison to your smooth flat abs.
As for shaving, the stubble can be itchy; and the area can get a rash if you have very sensitive skin.
As for her flabby tummy. Forcing her to fully undress against her will, can only make sex less appealing to her.
She will be self-conscious.
Creams, waxing, and razors can be very irritating down there for some people. She has probably tried, and that's her reasoning. I've seen discoloration and scarring from it.
So it just might not be right for her. Maybe some tidy trimming with tiny scissors. You can incorporate it into sex-play. Careful down there!!!
Otherwise; I think you should leave her alone about it.
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