A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's a link to my situation if you need background...http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girlfriend-just-left-me-and-i-want.html It's been a little over 2 weeks since we broke up. Last Wed night, she came by we proceeded to talk about the relationship, (before this we didn't talk much or see each other) in which she explained her reasons why she CAN'T be in any relationship right now. We said goodbye and she left on what seemed like a somewhat, "it's going to be a long time" fairwell. The NEXT day i run into her on campus. And she says hi, mentions she's tired, couldn't sleep the night before... and then we part. Just my luck. Now, I know of two different routes to different classes she takes, I know where she will be at certain times on certain days... And I can't help but think of that when Im walking by. Like looking for her.Even worse... last night I go out to the dancehall I ALWAYS went to. I specifically DID NOT go on thursday because the day we talked she had mentioned she was going there thursday and somewhere else Saturday. I go Saturday, next thing I know she's walking up to me with a smile on her face asking what I'm doing here. We share a few words, and dance together. We part, and she comes around again and talks some more. We part for a while, then later a song comes on and she comes and grabs me and takes me out there and we dance again. The whole time, she's smiling, laughing when I spin her, etc. She says this to me... "My roomate told me I smiling so much with that guy I was just dancing with and I was like, 'That's my ex.'" ? She was also a slightly touchy fealy when wes were talking. God this messes with me so much.Females here... If anyone has any insight as to what might be going through her mind, that would be appreciated.It hurts me so much that she's doing all these things now that she ALWAYS said she didn't want to do, and never wanted to, or things she thought were stupid, and so she never did any of that with me. Like drink, (she had been drinking last night), or dancing a certain way, or wanting to go out alot. This dancehall is a place I used to always go with my buddies, we loved it. I actually met her there, because she was just starting school and there for the first time experience. Now... I feel like I can't go to this place that I loved, that I get away, and dance, and have a good time, because she will be there. And then my whole night is thrown off. (Not that it was great in the first place because I'm still torn up about all of this, and think about her ALL DAY, EVERY DAY no matter what I'm doing.) I love seeing her, I love talking to her as long as its nothing that upsets me, I LOVE holding her when we dance. It's like a drug, and inevitably I can't resist dancing with her. I miss her so bad. Dancing with her makes me feel so good... but not being her boyfriend, leaving without her, not being able to tell her I love her, and not being able to kiss her and say goodnight... and watching or hearing about her doing things without me... and wanting to do things with her so bad...is like a shot in the heart.I don't text her or call her or anything, but I feel like I'm still just right there, by her side with all of these accidental encounters. So it's like I'm not having No Contact.I feel so helpless in not only getting her back, but getting past this pain. Because I will always be reminded anytime I run into her. I've already seen her driving by several times, seen her on campus several times, and ran into her at the bar twice. In 2 weeks! It hurts me so bad. This close proximity is going to kill me.I have strong urges to see her. I have strong urges to have her drop by, I have strong urges to drop by her place. I have strong urges to be able to talk about us and have her reminisce about the things that made her so happy, and talk sense into her. Make her see what she's throwing away. My head wants to be able to use logic to get through to her, but I know it won't work.I still have her lingerie she bought for my birthday that she asked to have back. I have no intentions of keeping it, but I don't know if I should drop by and give it to her myself, if I should just leave it so I don't face her, or have her come get it. I don't think i should keep it any longer, as It would just prolong things. (Also a part of me just wants to throw it out as I think it would be wrong to use it with some other guy down the road when she got it as a gift for me. But she was upset when I had suggested this in the past.) I know Ill want to talk to her if I drop it by. What do yall think? Should I just do it as soon as possible to not string things out? I have a chance tonight.
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male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (13 September 2010):
Part of breaking up is giving yourself space and saying no to temptation. It's only been two weeks and you just have to understand that not much time has passed. You just need more time.
Until you can actually just be her friend I would recommend avoiding the places she goes...maybe try some new places. Go out with your friends. I'm sure there's a lot of new crap you can try. If you do encounter her just politely decline her offer of interaction. Should she inquire to your behavior, a simple explanation that you are trying to get over her and that it hurts still should suffice. Or you can play it off and say "I didn't feel like to".
It's true, she doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you. Oh well. Life sucks, but there's plenty of fish in the sea. I'm listening to your story but careful of your thought process because you will be tempted to repeat much of it as I know partly you just want someone to listen to you. If it helps any I have been there a few times and it was never easy and it took me a long time. Just I always tried to never waste my time coz I just believed there's more to life than just chasing an ex. I was sad so I did things to make myself happy.
And about the items, just give it back to her asap.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): Dude... you're obsessed and can't think straight. You were probably smothering her. She obviously likes doing stuff with you, but doesn't want to answer to you (you were probably too controlling and jealous if I had to guess). If you call her and ask her out on a date every 3 to 4 days I bet you she might come around in time, but you will have to learn to care a little less about what she is doing while you guys aren't together. Get some guy friends and go hang with them every night between her dates. If you happen to run into her so be it. Also, keep in mind she might have met someone else. At your age dating for her is likely to learn more about what she wants out of a life-long partner. There was something she saw in you that turned her off to that, but like I said my guess is it is over-controlling/jealousy/smothering. Good luck.
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