A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys I have a question, may be weird for most as you probably have not experienced it. But I have to face the facts. From young age I was always bullied about my looks. Certain facial features different proportions etc. Anyway I always found it embarrassing in front of my friends when someone used to say something to me. I was always ashamed of the way I looked. As I grew older I got more confident, but I could see girls have not been attracted to me. I tried it all, hair, clothes etc. But reality was there was always someone better out there.I remember my first ever date, we kissed end of night, and than she calls me same night and asks me about my fit friend. Yeah, next day he asked me if. I was interested in her, I said no, and they hooked up. Haha. Anyway 10years later and I got the same issue. I have girls who love to be friends but nothing more. It’s affecting my life now. I never believed I would be told I am stuck up, selfish and think I am gods gift when inside I don’t think of anything of myself. But yet I am being punished by others for not progressing or being with anyone. My friends think I hate girls. But I don’t, I hate rejection. So question is how to get people of my back? Family / friends.
View related questions:
bullied Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2018): Posts of this nature are pretty common. You're going to get a lot of responses; and I predict they'll be mostly from women.
I'll be the first male-response, if not the only one.
There is no magical or guaranteed method that will suddenly make you a lady-magnet. There are a few common, or shall we say basic-principles; that apply in most cases. The tried and true criteria, that work for a high-percentage of young-men like you; that may improve your success in the dating-world.
First-off, drop the nonsense about what people said and did in high school. They were nothing but brats who were full of explosive-hormones, with awkward social-skills, victims of poor-parenting (and/or dysfunctional-families), vying to be popular, craving acceptance; and deflecting for the sake of drawing attention away from their own flaws and weaknesses.
Pimply-faced tweens and preteens, still sporting their baby-fat. Pubescent boys with crackling-voices; who sounded uncannily like their mothers, when you called them on the phone. Girls who stuffed their training-bras with socks and tissues; and wore makeup like clowns or street-walkers (take your pick); and so nasty to other girls, they make Satan blush!
Get-over it! They're gone, and you're all grown-up now. They were kids. They were mean kids, but they were scared and confused; and going through the same stuff! Divorcing parents, homes struggling financially, spoiled by getting too much, and having nothing but pop-culture full of bad-influences as role-models. Psychopathic mentally-deranged kids on YouTube, flaunting ridiculous wealth and drawing mass-attention. Only because no one had ever had mass media attention before; unless they made the news! They've found a platform to showoff! It has done more harm than good!
You are a millennial, and you have been brainwashed by social media to believe only the hot and beautiful make gobs of money, get love, and are guaranteed an easy life. So, your self-confidence and self-image was preset by people who weren't old enough to vote, needed parental-consent to take a school field-trip; and were terrified they were hemorrhaging when they saw signs of their first menstrual period! Those people molded how you feel about yourself?
What about the things your parents, closest-friends, good neighbors, role-models, and loved-ones who know and care about you? Did anything they've said to you register? Didn't any of their positive-reinforcement, encouragement, and support matter? All you can remember is what the bad people said?
Why must everything mean and nasty people say stick to our brains with crazy-glue???
I was raised on a simple classic-rule of "sticks and stones!" I tried to stay under the radar through high school; because I was shy and gay. They could say all the nasty things they pleased about me, but it never stuck! Popular kids never impressed me. I was a very smart student; and that for me was enough! Plus I had parents who taught me people aren't always nice; and to not let what they say or do change my faith in God, or love for myself. Period!!!
Here are the working principles for successful dating. Good character, self-confidence, self-love (not to be confused with conceit or cockiness), good grooming, clean breath, and patience. Develop resilience, and the ability to bounce-back from rejection. You're a big-boy now, not a baby. Sticks and stones, and you're beautiful to the right woman.
The lack of success with dating and being friend-zoned comes from reversed-discrimination. Average to plain guys and ladies who want to date among the vain hotties and self-proclaimed super-models. Ignoring the average-speed; because they're not trophies, or flattering to the ego. They aren't worthy to be arm-candy, and won't impress others enough. "I'm an average guy, or an average girl; woe is me because the hotties don't validate me! The pretty people picked on me!" SCREW THEM!!! By your 10th class reunion, you won't even recognize them!
No one is out of your league; but there are some who set standards on looks, who are too conceited and superficial to accept you as you are. If you can't impress the exceptionally-pretty girl, then why bother? Right? WRONG!!!
Average and less than average people are not attracted to other average and less than average people; and they limit their own success in dating. What is there to be vain about?
A conceited person who wants adorable little kids think they would soil their gene-pool by going average. When the fact is, genes are unpredictable; and most beauty queens, and super-models have very average or plain-looking parents. It was a combination of genes, and a blessing that God gave them better than average looks. He (God) didn't guarantee them success at anything. "Man" wants you to believe that; because that's how money is made! That's how stupid people think! Wise-up!
Pretty people make adorable kids; but aren't prepared for the fact they may outgrow it! Where average loving-parents put no stock in anything, but making sure they have happy kids. Who aren't ashamed of who they are, or where they come from. Unashamed of natural-imperfections. Even unnatural ones! Sometimes we get scars, debilitating injuries, and impairments. There are people who overcome them; and they find love and success all the same! Of course there are exceptions. Life is full of exceptions. One thing that is true about every soul on the planet. Nobody's perfect!
People are on your back; because they can see you've given-up, and you've fallen for the hype. You're probably a really sweet and wonderful person. You make too many excuses, and you aren't old enough to be so cynical. You can ignore them if it bothers you so much. They see you are lonely and they only want you to keep at it until you do find someone.
There is no reason to stop people from asking you why you don't have a girlfriend. None of your business is one response, and letting their relentless inquiries motivate you is another.
Now I am asking other uncles to weigh-in; and give you advice from the male-perspective, on your post. I don't have to ask the good-hearted ladies; I can guarantee they will.
|
