A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, am 21 yrs old..to start off, i was in a relationship with a girl before and she cheated on me and went with some other guy.. this fact made me emotionally very sensitive and insecure..after six months another girl said she loves me and wanted to be my girl firend. i knew her for some three months before she said this to me. but i didnt accept to her for over a month.. i really liked her and i couldn see her suffer so much and cry.. so we started going out. initially everything was going on well then after a few months we started having arguments. myself being a very sensitive person i cry wen she hurts me by telling that she ll leave me wen ever we have a fight. she has another guy who is behind her.. she used to say there is another guy for me who really loves me unlike u... she knew i was in a relationship with another girl before... and she used to tell that i don have a heart and i switch girls like i change my clothes.. all these things hurt me so very much that i was always in a dull and a depressed mood which made my parents feel very worried abt me. her father had passed away wen she was a kid and her mother only earns and supports her family. her mother came to know abt our relationship and slowly started accepting us. we both were happy and went along well. but wenever we had some argument or some fight, that time alone she used to tell her mom about it and make me look like an asshole in front of her. she never used to open her mouth about the good times that we had together. my mother has stage 5 kidney disease and the doctors have said she might not live for long. my dad is retired and i ve a younger brother who has just entered college. i am my familys only hope. i got a job in campus placement in an IT company and every1 wants me to work as soon as i graduate. but its my career and i am not clear on what to do after college. i ve applied for the engineering division in the army, i am preparing for a bschool entrance test.. i am open to watever opportunities which i can lay my hands on.. but everyone thinks am very unstable.my girlfriend insults me so damn much, she says she cant be with a guy who doesnt have a plan for his future, for gods sakes am just 21. i just cant let all this to get to me. i want to keep everyone happy but am not able to do it. she doesnt maintain privacy about our lives. keeps on telling her mom abt wats going on between us and acts on the advice given to her by her mother which irritates me so much. i want some privacy. i am yet to find out what job i would love to do. i will be out of college in a month and i hope everything turns out well. another main thing which i wanted in our relationship was trust, which she never had in me. she says that am not earning yet and i dont have money in my hands and am not settled yet so she doesnt trust me. watever she said is true but wat i asked is just the basic thought that i will definitely turn out well in life. i don care if no one trusts me, i just wanted HER trust.. but she doesnt. wen ever i cry or tell her that am not feeling well she says am acting very well and tells that am lying... wen am so genuine ... it jus hurts me so much wen she talks like that. i often feel like dying and pray to god to take me to him. i just wanted her to encourage me.. but she keeps on demotivating me and now i feel like i am good for nothing...i want my life back. i need to keep my mom happy atleast in her last few days, but this prob is eating me alive. i am so scared to be alone. i don have any friends. she s my only friend, girlfriend and everything, i consider her my world and i don kw wat i ll do without her....just because am so weak emotionally she cant treat my emotions like dirt, i opened up to her completely became so vulnerable and am hurt to the core. i hate relationships and never want to be in one again in my life. ever. all those romantic movies and songs are just bullshit. it just doesnt happen in real life. two girls, both of them just trampled all over me dammit. i so easily fall in love its my mistake. i trusted love too much. its too good to be true. at the end of the day only money matters. a relationship will work only wen the guy has money. i don wanna live this kind of life but i ve grown so dependent on her that i don kw wat i ll do without her. please help
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Hi, you need to stop giving your heart so easily. Also dump the girlfriend as she is emotionally abusive and you certainly dont want to spend the rest of your life regretting being with this woman.Also when you meet someone dont pour your heart out, somethings are just best not said to avoid your situation where your weakness is used against you.I am not saying leaving her will be easy as in most emotionally abusive relationship but its one step closer to finding peace and happiness.Also if you break up with her and she really wants you back, trust me she will beg and agree to change and the ball is in your court whether to take her back.Remember you deserve better and you are no body punching bag.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (11 April 2013):
You have a lot of problems here that I can't help you with.
But one piece of advice that I want to give is to try and switch the way you view relationships and dating in general.
First, you have to recognize that people are very unique, and what makes sense to someone else may be very confusing for you. What feels good to someone else may make you hurt.
Take that idea and apply it to relationships. You are the perfect guy for some lucky lady. For other women they couldn't tolerate 10 minutes alone with you. Most are somewhere in between.
When a relationship fails, most people tend to feel like THEY failed, or even worse, like they weren't good enough for the other person. This can lead to some serious self esteem issues among other things.
The reality is that the two of you just weren't right for each other. That's what dating is for; to find someone that IS right for you.
You need to really work on recognizing this. Does it mean that once you do it won't hurt when your relationship ends? Not at all. Sometimes someone can feel right, and they may be right for you, but not the other way around. But it'll help you to not take a unnecessary self esteem hit when you do break up.
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