A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I've just started going out on the gay scene a lot. During this time I've made a few observations. Gay clubs are not the best place to find a potential partner. Namely, because many people there are either looking for a hook-up or just out to have fun with friends. I'm realizing the best way to promote the possibilities of a relationship or at least friendship is to avoid sexual contact on first meeting, unless that is all I'm looking for. Often after one night stands, people are often awkward and it makes things very difficult, in my case, I usually want more or they do, but it has never correlated. I get many guys hitting on me, and I'm willing to kiss, but usually they ask for more. I'd be willing but I often feel unsatisfied after sexual contact, and frequently cannot settle for the mere thrill. I've had all kinds of responses, bemusement, annoyance, anger and all kind of attempts at persuasion (even more humorous if they have consumed alcohol or drugs) What is the best way to ensure, they see I am interested but am not willing to go further without knowing them better. I don't want to sound like a prude, but also I know in the long run, I usually get the wrong end of the stick or hurt after purely physical contact?
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male
reader, seekinghelp  +, writes (2 January 2009):
I would have to say that the majority of people you will meet at gay and non gay bars are typically not people who you will find meaningful relationships with. Im not saying that you wont find good people there, but even good people are not always there for good reasons...
If your looking for more secure matches, you might want to put yourself in situations where people are generally more alert / sober as people who are more aware tend to make better choices. Social events are always good.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (22 December 2008):
 Gay clubs are a fun place for me to go with gay friends, but I don't think that clubs are the ideal place for anyone to meet a partner.
I see you are young... are you still in school, or working?
It sucks to be in the real world because the dating pool is so circumscribed, but there are ways. Perhaps you could take a continuing ed class? That way you would meet someone with similar interests?
A lot of people meet through friends.
If you use the internet, use CAUTION... but don't close the door on the internet either. It's the world :)
I hope that you find love, and happiness, and I hope my advice helps.
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