A
male
age
36-40,
*hetallerpaul
writes:Back in highschool I was in an on again off again relationship with a girl who I thought was perfect for me (minus a few social ideological issues) and because of my greater interest in that relationship I eventually was dumped for another guy... now this doesn't cause me great distress since by now I am a junior in college but I have been unable to find myself as seriously interested in another girl since that time.My problem is this... I almost entirely cannot bring myself to sleep with a girl I wouldn't consider dating (because chemistry is a huge turn on for me) and so I remain a virgin. I convince myself that it is because I think I'm better than most girls (I think I'm better than most college students in general). My roommates continue to harass me about this (1 guy and 3 girls) as they are all sexually active but I maintain that I am a better catch than any of them. Am I being too narcissistic? (My ego is not something I openly advertise)Are my standards too high or should I hold out for a girl who clicks with me and thinks I'm the shit?I feel like I am doing the right thing, and would probably concede to the first attractive female that has good chemistry with me but I am afraid I may be leading myself down a hopeless trail and emotionally I am getting pretty lonelyIt's becoming a problem to me because I know I would lie if a girl asked me if I was a virgin, girls I talked to about this tend to assume that virgins are either emotionally clingy, socially inexperienced, or sexually inexperienced... me? I just refuse to put on a "hitting on you" act to get laid.Meeting the right girl is one thing but doing it twice is like looking for the perfect jeans at goodwill.
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (22 December 2008):
 Part of the problem here is that, yes, you may be a little too narcissistic. But another huge part of the problem is that you are idolizing your high school sweetheart. She was not perfect and you are not with her for some good reasons. Stop comparing all women to her! She was not the 'right girl' and your chances of meeting the right girl will be much higher if you open your mind a little bit and realize that.
I agree with you that you should not sleep with someone you would not consider dating. Dont go for one night stands or sex on the first date no matter what! So you need to find someone you would consider dating, and then do just that! Date! After a while THEN you can think about sex with them! But seriously put this other girl out of your head! There are lots of wonderful girls out there and if you would just open your eyes I am sure you will find one that suits you.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (22 December 2008):
 As a mature individual and citizen of the United States of America, you are entitled to be the person you want to be - but it does sound like you are destined for a rather lonely life. There is nothing wrong with having a reasonable amount of pride in oneself, but no one is as perfect as you seem to envision yourself. A "perfect" person would certainly have such qualities as tolerance, compassion, acceptance and empathy. In other words, you might expend some effort looking for the good qualities in others.
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