A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Need some advice please please! on a workplace situation.. SORRY FOR LENGTH..NEED TO EXPLAIN..I am a nurse, a "worker", (not a boss or anything like that) work in a hospital, been in the hospital years but worked in my current area 8 months..Like my job.Am quieter but do say hi,am always polite and make conversation when its appropriate and to those who will talk, which is NOT everyone as my area,(like many) is very cliquey..usually I say hi first.. some say hi back, some dont..Nurses are cliquey..I get along with probably 3/4 people working there. we cannot be liked be all and we cannot get along with everyone at work! work is work its not a social event..Of course I go to xmas parties and group events, IF I can (which is NOT always due to shift work hours) but I dont socialise with people out of work.3/4 the people I work with are younger than me, no problem! most of my managers, my boss and some in charge people are younger, and I have NO issue with younger people! I get along Ok with most, even the 4 new very young 21-22 year olds just out of college..however.. there is this 23 yr old woman I work with who is:good at her job, very good at it.good with people and gets along with most (all ages)super outgoing and very loud and confidentvery well loved by the boss and the managers and many peoplevery confident and getting "cocky" due to her abilities..When I first started there (8 months ago ) she was nice, said hi, made conversation and I thought "what a nice girl"Now she barely says hi..no I have done nothing wrong..there is 2 othes she wont talk to either.. I heard (i dont gossip)!she walks past me in the corridor and will ignore me but will say "hey X how are you!" to someone she knows that is near me..a few times I have said "hi sarah" and and tried to talk casually.. she says "hi" and thats it but she will NOT say hi first and often acts cold, like Im not there.. she seems "stuck up" and very cocky now.no bullying, she will speak if spoken to (and I can talk to her re work issues IF I need to which is NOT often) BUT.. but she is super cliquey and I wonder if me not being in her clique as such and her popularity means she has changed her attitude in recent months..there are 16 people on working each day.. 8 morning 8 afternoon.. so I say hi IF i see people I dont seek them out as there is work to be done! is this OK??how should I treat her? speak when she speaks? "force" her to say hi when I pass her in the corridor or when I see her at the start of the shift? " HI SARAH" this may look odd..I do NOT want to some across as a needy, weird, try hard, overtalking, desperate 4O something that says hi and who she doesnt want to talk to..is this a millennial/gen y thing??do they not speak to older people??I am not 80!!what to do about such fickle colleagues..and asking hER "why are you such a fickle person and dont always say hi?" is not appropriate!guess we dont "click"thnks and sorry for length..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (5 April 2017):
What is your concern with people speaking to you or not?
This is not high school where you need to fit in to feel loved or wanted.
Do these people put food on your table? Are they there for you when you are sick? Do you have to sleep in the same bed with them?
There is an old saying...Birds of the same feather will flock together....Some people will only be friendly with those who have similar personalities. If you are the quieter one, the shy one, and she is confident and out going...then she will most likely speak the those who are more like her.
If you are attracted to her personality, then you have to be more confident...not cocky.
But be careful....becoming someone you are not, just to be friends with someone else, can be very bad news.
You do you, and let them do them.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (4 April 2017):
I don't get why you're so concerned about this one individual either...
Do you WANT to be part of her clique? Do you want to socialise with them out of work?
Pretty much very ward has a "queen bee"; someone who suffers from Staffnursitis (as we call it in the UK)
I know it's much better to work in an environment when everybody gets on really well but that's a rarity. Even in the friendliest of nursing teams, they'll be a couple of people who don't really like each other that much but they just get on with their jobs.
I've just come from a ward which I found quite cliquey and where more than a couple of people seemed distant towards me and "stuck up" but I didn't really wonder "why". I didn't particularly want to get to know them either...
You get on with most of the people there, though, even some of the fresh-faced young 'uns, so why is this "queen bee" so very important to you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2017): Seriously?!! You are a mature professional woman over 40; and why the hell should you care?
Why are you all wound-up over a snooty 23 year-old woman; who is caught-up in high-school cliquish behavior?
Yes, is is a millennial vs Gen-X thing! It most certainly is; and you're supposed to be too sophisticated, dignified, and professional to give a rat's patooty!
If you direct all your energies and good-nature towards patient-care; she will blend into the blandly-painted hospital walls.
The main priority and most important element in all of this is how you get along with and treat your patients, and their loved-ones.
The office-politics are trivial and useless distractions. Leave it to the young folk to bring in inappropriate and off-color conduct that has no particular importance or place on the job. You know better. Popularity is irrelevant!
As long as you're doing a good job, show kindness, and compassion; everyone is on your side.
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