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How to feel truly happy again with or without a relationship

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Question - (17 February 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 18 February 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *ndy00 writes:

I want to improve my life!

Life is by no means bad. I'm in college on an excellent course which is going very well. I've applied to universities and plan to go there later in the year. I have established a group of friends to hang around with when I have nothing else to do. I have a steady part time job that pays well, and my family life is going pretty well, also.

Still, I've have been wallowing in self-pitty for some time now... well, 8 months to be precise. I'm a sensitive sort of guy, and when my girlfriend broke up with me last year everything seemed pointless. All I wanted to do was make her happy and spend my life with her, but she obviously didn't want the same with me. I am still not over that fact, but desperately want to get past it.

It hasn't helped that my ex has tried many times to get us talking again, for reasons that only appear to be out of friendship. This has really delayed me from moving on from her. Probably because I have allowed it to. Nor has it helped that such a short time after we get back in contact she finds a new guy and I decide that I can't cope and avoid her. Even after all this time, the fact that me and my ex are no longer together still upsets me. I think it is her that I miss, but it's probably a combination of that and wanting somebody special in my life.

What can I do to make my life better? People shouldn't NEED to be with somebody, but I really feel like I need somebody to be happy, and this is exactly the mind set I want to get out of. A relationship would be great... on top of that, the fact that I haven't had any sexual contact for 9 months now is only making me want a relationship of some sort more.

I'm confused about what I want; a relationship, somebody special, SEX!. I'm not sure which of those I want more, but all I know is, I want to be happy! How can I feel truly happy again, with or without a relationship?

View related questions: broke up, my ex, want to be happy

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

Hi Andy

Im going to send you a link love I hope this helps, Its been a tough one for you and only time will heal, If your happy in most of your life then your getting there hun, And soon enough you will find someone to share your life with, Sex is a big thing when we havent got it of course we miss the closeness of another but it will all take place in the end sweetheart and time is most definatly on your side, You do need to move on and I dont think you will if you are friends with your ex as its to much for you as you still love her you need real closure, Knowing the person you thought would be there for you is with another hurts so its hard to get away from those feelings, Its the only way I feel hunny that is going to work for you. I do hope this link will help a little hunny

http://www.breakupadviceonline.com/depression_after_breakup.html

YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (17 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntYou are the captain of your ship. Do you know where you want to go ?

You maybe the captain but pirates have hijacked your ship.

You need to take control back of your ship(your life). Turn it around and go to your destination (Your aspirations , aims in life)

Live from day to day . If life deals you lemons, make lemonades.

Do creative things, go out and enjoy and always think positive.

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