A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 4 years.We have a great relationship and sex is good but only lately I have been having outrageous sexual fantasies like the desire to be heard while having sex, making out at odd places etc.I once asked him to do a nude photo shoot of me and it was awkward because he didn't seem comfortable and i decided to forget about it and move on.Another time i said i want to have sex in the car sometime and he kept coming up with excuses and in the end i just decided it was best to shut my mouth and never talk about my fantasies with him again.Now i want to make a video of us while having sex but when i talked to him about it he laughted it off and said that you think about these things because you have too much time( i dont work or go to school.)I'm afraid even if we do he will be laughing and acting funny which would be a big turn off.I'm a very sexual person and want to experience some wild sexual fantasies but I'm shy to let him know how important it is for me.I dont want him to distract or distance me from my fantasies.I was drunk once and was very close to cheating but nothing happened and I thought about it later WHY i was about to cheat and i think i just wanted some excitement.I never want to cheat on him but how should i communicate with him what's on my mind?
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female
reader, MsVick +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Sit him down and ask him what HE craves sexually. Listen and then respond. Then tell him its your turn. It sounds like you maybe more sexually outgoing than he is and if that is the case you may have to make a choice between sticking with his very vanilla sex or joining a club and meet others like you. Of course tell him about this but you shouldn't hide it or do without, just communicate and see where it goes.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Sit him down and tell him what you just told us. Well, minus the almost cheating part. He is not as comfortable with this stuff as you are. Many people are taught not to talk about sex as if it is some bad thing. You need to tell him what you want and more importantly WHY it is important to you.
One thing to keep in mind is that he isn't on board right now, so you need to ease into things. Jumping right into filming yourselves is likely too far of a stretch. However I think the sex in a car thing would be a good start. Ask him to take you out on a drive. It's fall afterall. I'm not sure what part of the country you live in, but if you're further North, the leaves are starting to turn colors very nicely right now. When you get to some secluded back road ask him to pull over. Once he does go in for a kiss. Start working your hand to his pants and hopefully you can make it happen. Even better if your car has an open back seat.
I think that when he sees how much this thrills you, he may come around a bit, but always be prepared for if he doesn't. He needs you to help him understand how important this is to you and that it is actually hurting your relationship for him to blow it off. The hardest part will be for you to express what you're feeling. However, in a relationship like what you've described, you should be comfortable enough with eachother to be honest.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Dont be shy, you married this man so dont be shy with him, tell him how much you crave the excitment but am afraid that if he is not comfortable then you have to decide over your husband or your fantisies. Please dont result to cheating.
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