A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What is the best way to deal with a wife who starts yelling, slamming doors, saying nasty mean things every time we argue? My wife never used to be this way, but in the last couple of years her temper is just escalating. I guess she feels it is her prerogative to yell and say really mean things when we fight. I don't do the yelling bit, so I can't or won't go toe to toe with her. If I just walk away she gets even more mad and follows me yelling even more. Sometimes she will do this in front of our kids.I think she feels i don't stand up to her and she is even more empowered to yell because of it. If I yell back, she just gets meaner, knowing that I will eventually back down, even apologize, just to end the drama.I really could use some help on how to diffuse someone with an increasing temper, who feels totally at liberty to let get mad and let loose on me, and still stand up for what I believe to be true. In other words, do something other than capitulate, like a beaten puppy, so that it will end Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Dear Friend,
You are not alone. My life is the same way. Sometimes my wife is just so mean and cruel in the things that she says. Hang in there. THat is what I am doing, find and outlet or someone to vent to. IT helps me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): This problem is global problem in all cultures and countries, and i guess there are not many options to solve it. Wife shouts, husband listens is kind of standard operating procedure for all the families to be in peace. I still do not know when Men will get some domestic violence protections. I could never understand that why there are various women protection laws every where, where problem is just opposite in 99 % cases.
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A
female
reader, Cheeks +, writes (1 August 2010):
 Good answer Inlove. You can tell who's a kid & who isn't. =)
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A
female
reader, Cheeks +, writes (31 July 2010):
I don't really have an answer but I'm a yeller too when I get into fights with my man. And he's not the type to yell back either so it definitely makes me look like the insane screaming banshee, not him. I would say that while she's in that sort of mood- that is not the time to try to talk about this issue. I would suggest approaching her while she's being reasonable and you two are getting along-obviously. Maybe then point out to her that she's pretty much embarrassing herself & definitely setting a horrible example everytime she decides to throw a fit & start screaming like a nazi at you. Remind her that she is an adult & that you're not deaf & just because she's saying something at 60 decibles doesn't make you anymore inclined to listen. I don't know... Does she feel that she has full run of the house and/or just doesn't care who she pisses off by rampaging around in it? Maybe she's just directing all her anger at you out of lack of additional targets? Maybe she's just enjoying being a bully for the first time in her life (since you say this hasn't always been the case with her)? I know I handle my anger this way, as stupid as it is, because that's the way I was raised. My parents yelled until they were blue in the face- and unfortunately, so did thier children. Anyhow, I would wait until it's calm to talk to her about it. Any other time, you're not going to get though to her. I would also try to get to the root of why she feels you should put up with that crap. Is she just being passive aggressive & trying to make you hate so you'll leave her? that's reaching pretty far but I've seen it before. Well either way, maybe if you two just talked about her hostile vocalizations on neutral terms & have her at least acknowledge there are better ways to handle a situation- then when she's does it again you might have luck with just reminding her of your conversation. Good luck. I hope this helped at all.
(or you can just video tape her making a huge scene & show it to her later- if she's anything like me- that's some footage I would cringe to see & it would make me think twice about pitching another fit out of fear of looking stupid on film ever again. But that has a large chance of backfiring obviously.=)
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A
female
reader, InLoveW/Love +, writes (31 July 2010):
It sounds like she doesn't respect you. If she has anger problems i would seriously suggest getting counseling. This might offend her or you but something has to be done.
Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned but your wife shouldn't disrespect you and make you feel small in front of your children, it sends them the wrong message about a male-female relationship. You have to stand up for yourself against her. I don't mean yell back, I mean really stand up for yourself. You're the man, you should be the head of the household.
A good way to calm down an angry person is to talk to them in a stern level voice. Avoiding it could make the situation worse. So i would advise the next time she goes into one of her yelling fits, move into another room away from the children and FIRMLY tell her you wont take her disrespect anymore. Then follow through on your word. There are women who will run over men, simply because they can.
If you love your wife and want it to work you have to stand firm in who you are. A person will only do to you what you allow them to do.
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