A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's my long story, about a year ago I met the most wonderful person through an online game. We connected immediately and our relationship soon developed quickly into a romantic one. We lived 5 hours by flight away from each other but in the beginning we were committed to each other in the relationship. About every 2 months we would visit each other and we talked often on Skype. I cherished the times we spent together because in all honestly I’m not the most physically attractive guy out there and when she actually showed interest in my personality I felt truly blessed to have someone that wonderful in my life. For the first half of the year we were extremely happy together, but then the honeymoon period wore off and we started to have a few problems. In the end she broke up with me and she stated that me being younger then her and me living far away from her made it difficult to have a real relationship. However, we have talked about moving closer together many times in the relationship. She has a daughter so it made more sense for me to move closer to her and I didn’t mind making the move, but I needed time and I’ve told her that before. Because picking up my life and moving to another country takes time. In fact we had planned 2011 to be the year where I would move closer to her. However, in the end we broke up, that was 2.5 months ago. The age issue I can’t change, but I don't think that ever bothered her because there were many times that she's stated that she was happy to have me in her life and we connected very well on many levels even if she was older. And in the beginning of the relationship she’s stated that the age doesn’t matter as long as we loved each other. And if it had bothered her why did we date for almost a year. Even with our age difference we shared many of the same hobbies and interests. The truly heartbreaking part of this whole situation has been the fact that she's met somebody else fairly quickly after breaking up with me. She and that other guy I think had some history together but it never seriously bothered me because I trusted her and that was the past. I think they started dating almost a week after her and I broke up. Her new boyfriend is still younger then her but by a much smaller margin than me. And he lives closer to her as well. After the breakup I didn’t do the typical begging or pleading that some people might do, but she knew that I was sad and hurt. I remembered that I needed to remain strong and give her space. So in the beginning of the breakup I just thought it would be best if her and I took some time apart that way when we did get back together we would remember how much we loved each other, and maybe start anew. But it hasn’t worked out the way I wanted. Throughout the 2.5 months we barely talked at all, however I still see her many times playing the same online game that we used to play. I know its silly but every time I see her logon it pains me to see her playing because it reminds me of our failed relationship. What’s worse is that she plays the game with her new boyfriend and that just adds salt to the wound. I only know this because she’s on my friends contact list in the game, and every time she logons a sign pops up. I can remove her from my contact list in the game but that would mean that her and I will most likely never talk again, because since I’ve removed her from facebook friends list the game is the only thing that connects us together. I just know that as each day passes they’re getting closer and closer and my window of opportunity of doing something to get her back is slowly closing.I'm just so confused about this whole situation, because I truly and absolutely love her more then she can ever know and I would do anything to be with her again, but she just wants to be friends. I want to explain everything to her and how much hurt she has put me through but everyone keeps telling me that going no contact is the best way for me to heal. But it’s been 2.5 months and my pain is just as bad as it was since day one, which leaves me to believe that I need to do something or else I’ll never feel better. And throughout that time it seems like she’s been really happy and in love with this new guy.Each day I wake up and realize how much actual pain I’m really in. Also if she were to one day end up with that guy she left me for then it would just kill me, my heart would just die. I just feel like I can’t sit here anymore and have her get closer to the other guy while she slowly forgets about me as time goes on. I feel like I need to stand up and tell her how I feel and everything. But I can’t keep feeling this way and everyday, because I’m slowly dying on the inside each day I wake up. In the past I would generally leave things be but she really feels like someone I could connect to for the rest of my life and I can’t let that go. It would be like letting a diamond slip through your fingers. So if anyone can actually help me through my confused mess it would be greatly appreciated. I just need some serious guidance in this whole confusing mess.
View related questions:
broke up, facebook, get back together, my ex, online game, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bluewarrior911 +, writes (25 November 2010):
 I think you already know what your answer should be, but your mind is telling you otherwise...and there lies the confusion. Listen to your intuition. What is it telling you? Our ego constantly wants us to hold on and fight, but that's really working out of desperation. You dont need that and you certainly dont deserve that. True "Love" should never be something that you have to manipulate, control, or strive for. It should come naturally.
There is a poem that I'm sure you heard of...it goes like this: "Love is like a butterfly, if you pursue it...it will fly away; but if you sit quietly it will land on your lap"
Come back from the abyss and start enjoying life the way it was meant to be. You will never find happiness or fulfillment outside of yourself or with another person for that matter. It has to come from within first. Our outer world is truly a reflection of our inner world (our thoughts). I know this is probably NOT want you wanted to hear, but I hope it helps.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 You are not allowing yourself to heal or get over her, because you are refusing to let her go and the longer you do this the longer you are prolonging your pain here. She is happy now she is with another man and she has moved on from you and let you go, now you need to let her go as well before you can move on, the only way you are going to be able to let her go is to accept that she is someone elses woman now and delete her from the game. That way everytime you log on you wont keep thinking about her, you need to let her go before you can start feeling better about it.
If you really think that it is worth a chance to tell her how you feel then go for it but be prepared to be hurt all over again, because my guess is she will just tell you that she is happy and doesnt want to be with you, although this might actually give you the closure you need and allow you to accept that it is over and its unlikely you will ever be with her again, its that you need to work on and let go of any hope that you are holding.
...............................
|
