A
female
age
36-40,
*oe_y
writes:Hi everyone,I really need help. I've realised i'm bi for about a year now. I ended up a long term relationship with my man. Recently i've been having a thing online with a lovely girl 4 years younger than me. I'm 26 and she's 21 turning 22 in half of a year. I'm way older than my age and so seems she.We will meet up when i get back home in the states so right now it's sort of long distance thing. At my age i don't do long distance relationship but she wants to. I like her a lot in the way that i fancy her sexually and non-sexually. So we both confessed how we feel and started calling each other gf. We're happy chatting everyday for 2 months now. But sometimes i find it pretty hard cos she's very sensitive. She easily thinks that i ignore her or doesn't want her anymore when i used some "words" or "jokes" without any intention. Anytime like that I have to apologise and calm her down and ease the argument.I want to make her happy and smile. I stick around but i'm doubtful sometimes if i can do it well. I'm more like a free thinker, i say whatever i feel like saying and my way of using words sometimes a bit dumb. But i find it easier to be with men since they're not sensitive and they easily forgive my dumb words than a girl. Any gay girls can give me an advice how to deal with a girl? I am one but sometimes i don't seem understand women.Thanks for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): 'At my age i don't do long distance relationship but she wants to.' Apparently you do do long distance.'So we both confessed how we feel and started calling each other gf. We're happy chatting everyday for 2 months now.' Calling each other girlfriend after two months of cyber contact is not exactly the most mature thing to do. You hardly know each other. To say you don't seem to understand women when you haven't dated very many women is a grand statement.You are having doubts about your compatibility even when you're both at your best behaviour in the early days. It's only going to get worse. My advice is to let this one go and meet women in real life that you can actually get to know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): Constantly apologizing for what you say gets tiring.
You also have to be considerate of other people's feelings.
Even guys may not like certain things you say; just because they don't react to it at that moment doesn't mean he's not filing it away. Maybe our tolerance for jabs are higher, but we do have feelings. Better be able to take what you dish out.
You don't really have a relationship with this girl. At this point; it's make-believe, and she is well into fantasy aspect of it.
She is expecting honey, sweetness, and light by the bucket-full. A sappy-sweet romance, where she hears nothing but how much you care. It's all imaginary, and she's swept up in it.
You're older, and less delicate. So you like to poke fun now and then. You can't always float on the top like cream.
The truth is, she really needs experience in a real-life relationship; so she can develop some coping skills. Not collapse the minute someone gives her a little dose of reality. You don't want to have to walk on eggshells around anyone. No one is that delicate. No one who is a mature adult, anyway. She's not a baby.
If you're planning a relationship, you'll have to toughen her up a little. Just don't make nasty digs and think anyone should just dismiss foul or insensitive words.
A joke is only funny if it makes everybody laugh. If it is offensive, it's not a joke.
Encourage her to behave like a grown-woman. Not a little girl. If she wants a relationship, she has to be mature.
Are you looking for a girlfriend, or adopting a child?
I guess you have to be her role-model, as well as her girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): You're a woman, she's a woman but you're not the same in many aspects. Ergo women are not all the same.
Find another woman who is more in sync with your personality.
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