A
female
age
30-35,
*ate990
writes:We have been together a bit more than a year. Half a year ago we had hard time in our relationship (broke up for a few weeks). No serious reason: we are two stubborn people. My boyfriend has a female friend (for 3-4 years by now) with who they share eachother's problems, also relationship information. So at that time when we were apart, he went to her to complain about me. Girl knows only he's version of everything and made him hints that i'm not the girl for him. We are together again and doing much better. Me and my boyfriend live in different towns and i'm working on weekends so my boyfriend has introduced all his friends to her and she even gets invitations to my boyfriend's friends birthdays. He has introduced me to his friends as well but i'm feeling like that girl is replacing me. I don't get invitations. I don't get even friend requests. Once i went to visit my boyfriend to another town. He had to go to birthday with that female friend and i had other plans with my friends, which was fine till i met them on the street: Female friend got frozen, lips were shaking.. she was feeling very uncomfortable seeing me. My boyfriend doesn't us hang together. I've told him to invite her over, but i see him having a bad feeling about it and changes the topic.I think it's because he feels embarrased in front of his female friend because he has complained about me a lot. But that girl's reaction to see me on the street said more than thousand words.. I have always had bad feeling about her and i'm afraid that she secretly has a crush on him. Maybe because she feels so good that he could help him? And to be sure i have to say that my boyfriend doesn't hide our relationship.It's a weird situation, but i am very interrupted of that friendship! Please let me know about your opinion. Thank you very much!
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female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (16 September 2015):
Namaskar,
I agree with the other posters. You have to let your boyfriend know that this is unacceptable behaviour on his part. It seems like their relationship is platonic with undercurrents of something else? Maybe she has made it her business to sabotage his romantic relationships. Be straight with him and be strong! All the best:)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2015): To be honest it sounds like he is treating you as some sort of side chick not the main - do not put up with it
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 September 2015):
 You need to have a talk with your boyfriend and make it clear to him that this female friend nonsense has to stop. You are his girlfriend, not her. You should be his priority and he shouldn't be complaining about you and your relationship problems to other people, most notably to other women. She seems to be enjoying the fact that she can manipulate him and that despite being your boyfriend, he's more into her than into you and she has more control over him than you do. This gives her a sense of power over him which she enjoys.
You seem to have been too easy on him. Time to toughen up and make it clear to him that his behavior is what defines her behavior so he had better make it clear to her that you are his girlfriend and his number 1 priority. If he understands, well and good. If he doesnt then you know he's weak and spineless and not the guy for you.
Frankly, if it were me, I would have put my foot down. No one should get away with treating you like this and the other girl needs to be shown her place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2015): She is purposely being a wedge in your relationship; and your boyfriend is intentionally and literally dating two women at the same time.
There are a lot of guys who like being in the middle of two women competing for them. He can always say, you're jealous and have no right to tell him who he can be friends with.
That only applies to friends that stay out of your business and respect boundaries. Not home-wrecking interfering "friends" with undercover crushes. He likes the fact you don't get along. So he has the choice of being with one or the other; or being with one, without the other.
If you set no boundaries, he will always drag her in to neutralize your resistance to things he does you don't like. Your feelings will always be overruled. She is his counter-weight and extra vote to tip the scale in his favor. He uses her to make you feel she is a threat, if you don't watch out.
Situations like yours are tricky. He knew her first.
Time to set rules about who's the number one female in his life. Assume your proper position. This is when you put your foot down, and let him know; either she backs off; or you go. Then be prepared to leave, because he isn't giving her up. He uses her to set the expiration-date on women he is seeing. You can't even trust him to keep your relationship business to himself, he takes intimate details to her. It's truly none of her business, and he shouldn't be pitting other people against his own girlfriend. Particularly not other females!
That's the kind of male-to-female relationship that you'll never come between. She's there to counteract you and she strokes his ego when you get on his nerves. She pats his head, when you clobber him over it. She does the opposite of what you do; so he runs to her when you fight.
Have a serious talk with him about everything you have laid out in your post. Point out that you resent how she interferes, gives you attitude, and how he won't try to help you two to get along. He's the guy in the middle, but you don't have to share your man. It's all or nothing. She needs a man of her own to keep her time occupied. That's why she's got too much time on her hands to meddle in your affairs.
It really comes down to deciding if this arrangement is worth your time and trouble. You don't deal with his female friend, lest she directly steps out of line with you. You deal with your boyfriend, and he is supposed to deal with his friends and how they affect you and your relationship.
I wouldn't date anyone with a best friend who gets in my/our business. I'm gone the minute it happens. I don't have time for foolish drama or infatuated best friends.
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