A
female
age
41-50,
*liz
writes:Being a fairly non-confrontational person, I would normally just be civil when I bump into this person (lets call him Jerkosaurus), but not go out of my way to talk to him when he has made it clear he do not like or respect me. However, he happens to be friends with a number of my friends, so I generally have to spend time with him.If we are in a group of people he will ignore anything I have to say, or talk over me if I speak to anyone else. He also often insults what I am saying, rolls his eyes, or accuses me of saying something I am not (a party I hosted when I offered to refill his drink he yelled out “B! Your girlfriend is hitting on me”. I choose not to refill his drink). It feels like he makes a point of excluding me, but doing so in front of other people.A little while ago, I let it slip that he doesn’t like me (although you’d have to be pretty dense not to notice, since he makes quite the show of it). He was throwing a party, and wanted to know if I was showing up (I’m not sure why I would; he didn’t invite me and I don’t spend time where I don’t feel welcome). Instead of asking me directly himself, he emailed my close friend and tried to fish the info out of her (being a good friend she didn’t respond). He then got another close friend of mine who is a bit more gullible to call me the night of (interrupting a dinner party I was at) to find out if I was coming. I said no, I had other plans. Gullible insisted I come by after my dinner, and I said, “Gullible, I really want to spend time with you too, but Jerkosaurus doesn’t like me and I’d rather not put myself or anyone else in an awkward situation”. Gullible told me that it isn’t exactly true that Jerosaurus doesn’t like me, he just finds me hard to understand sometimes. I said something along the lines of “well if he wants to understand me he can call me himself, or listen when I’m speaking rather than talking about me when I’m not there or getting mutual friends to contact me for him” (I was a bit frustrated with the conversation and had had two glasses of wine at this point, so I really said more than I normally would have).I’m fairly sure that my conversation with Gullible got back to Jerkosaurus, and I know that I’m going to have to spend more time with him. I hope to be civil if he approaches me, but to just enjoy everyone else’s company. However, should I call him on his jerky behaviour if he pulls his usual tricks (talking over me, interrupting me to talk to whoever I happen to be talking to, rolling his eyes when I talk, etc etc etc? Any other advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 From all that you've said, it sounds to me like he's got a crush on you but is too scared/immature to deal with it! He's acting like a little boy in the playground, drawing attention to himself by talking over you/mocking you etc by metaphorically punching you in the arm and running off!
I'd agree with the previous poster in that you need to either confront him directly: "It doesn't really bother me when you're rude when we have to be together, but I was wondering if the reason you behave the way you do has something to do with overcompensating because you have a small penis?", or ignore him all together! Sticks and stones and all that...good luck in whatever decision you make!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): You could pull him aside and have a one on one conversation with him. It sounds like you're his target unfortunately. (Though if it weren't you, it would be someone else.) I'm not sure that talking to him would really help, as he might become defensive or start to mock you even more. I think it would be best to ignore him and let his comments slide off of you. You could roll your eyes back at him, make comments about his antics getting old, but then you would be acting just like him which isn't good. It would be best to just not let him get to you, since he is just striving for attention and try to find another group to socialize with. (Or hang out with your crowd of friends without the jerkosaurus.) Just remember that you are stronger and better than him!! Don't let his comments bring you down!! Best of luck!
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