A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married, total time together 10 years. We have a beautiful and sweet 9 months old daughter. Unfortunately, right after stoping the pills to get pregnant I fell madly in love with a younger guy from work, it was 2 years ago. We never touched. For a while he felt something for me too, but when I got pregnant I tried to stop contact many times. In the begining he was hurt, but now he doesn't care that much. Little more than a month ago, his mom died and I helped him to get back to an ex-girl of his, which became friends with me. He droped her, 1 year and a half ago, after knowing of my feelings for him. I love him and her and I truly want them to be happy. If I can't be with him at least he will be with someone who loves him as much as I do. But it was very hard for me to see them geting back together, she was telling me all the details, of course she doesn't know about my feelings. I went so down in depression like never before in my life. Couldn't work, couldn't enjoy anything except his company and suicide was near. But I had to be strong for my daugher. I was so down that I cried in front of him for the first time, of course I didn't tell him what triggered my depression, but I wanted him to know I was suffering. All my other friends knew I was depressed, so he should know also. He said: "It is hard for me to see you like this. You think people don't care? People care. You make everyone Around depressed when you are depressed." Some days after crying, I humiliated myself even more and begged him to remind me of good things about myself. He said I helped and keep him a lot in his downs, that I always help people, and that I was a very important person in his life, that he was happy that I was in his life.She knew I was depressed too and she was an angel to me. The week of my birthday was great I started to get out of depression, I could even work a little. My husband, they and all my other friends showed me a lot of care. But today I am little down again. I think I will always want to be with this guy even though he doesn't love me and he is now the boyfriend of a good friend. (Funny, I knew him before and I knew her through him). I love my husband but I am afraid it will never be like I love this guy. And I can't really totally loose contact with the guy and his girl. So how can I control myself and live in peace, even knowing about this thing that I want that I can never have and worse that I should not want?
View related questions:
depressed, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): I'm in a similar boat. Not the same boat, quite. I am married with a small child and a wonderful husband... but I am still deeply in love with an ex boyfriend. Only in the last couple weeks--after longing for him for 15 years--I have discovered that he feels the same way about me. He is also married with a child. We are trying to stay with our marriages. It is extraordinarily painful.
I have tried cutting off contact with him--for years, therapy, different meds... nothing seems to work. If it were not for my young son, I would only want to die.
-
A
female
reader, Heavenlyangel25  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 I have been in your shoes. Hell im sorta in your shoes now. similar but not. Send me an email so we can talk. Maybe we can help one another out in our situations :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): Thanks a lot for your answer!
Today I am going to an event from work and I asked him to give me a ride. This is like a last ritual before I will try to get a little distant from him. What I really want is to stop inviting him for coffee and stop asking him a ride for a while. And then maybe with time I can love him just as a friend and things can get back to normal. Do you think it is possible that if I get distant now and concentrate on my marriage, one day I can love him just as a friend?
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 This is a difficult situation. I wouldn't like to find myself where you are.
I suppose that the only advice I can give is that you need to be strong and keep what you've been doing, in spite of depression and pain. You had a reason to stay with your husband before. I suppose that reason continues to exist, and now it would be just too difficult for you to be with him. Also, he knows about your feelings but he is with someone else. I think you need to keep going, no matter what. I would try to keep some distance from them, in order to make it easier.
Eis uma situaçâo muito difícil. Não gostaria estar nela.
Suponho que o único conselho que eu posso dar você é que você seja forte e continue com a sua vida apesar da depressâo e da dor. Você tinha uma razão para ficar com o seu marido antes. Suponho que essa razão ainda existe, e agora seria muitíssimo difícil para você estar com ele. Além disso, ele sabe dos seus sentimentos mais ele está com outra. Eu penso que você precisa seguir no mesmo caminho, não importa o quê se passe. Eu, eu tentaria manter alguma distância deles, para o assunto ser um pouco mais fácil.
Se cuida.
...............................
|
