A
female
age
41-50,
*arahss
writes:Hi all, I am really in need of your help. I need your advice on how to put limits and control on a crush at work place when both parties are married. Both parties are working closely. I have limited the talk to this guy to only work-related and in a professional manner, hello and good bye, no eye contact in other cases. doesn't seem that it works on him, though. :( - Would keep doing this would be enough? - Any other advises? - Should I tell this to my husband?More details can be found here:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-handle-a-married-co-worker-who-has.htmlThanks in advance!Sarah
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): Hi Sarah,Indeed you have to set strong, firm, clear boundaries to avoid the workplace crush going anywhere, especially as both of you are married.Many times the crush is just that: a crush. It's limited in duration and only for the duration of a project or work liaison. When that time passes, you wonder what did I see in that person? The intensity dies down, and it's not worth ruining a marriage or relationships over it.Well done on limiting your conversations to work-related only, that will help! Staying professional and only greeting when necessary. That will also help."Doesn't seem to work on him thought" - that's because he is and will still try, regardless of the boundaries. So you have to stay firm, and never waver from your words, deeds/actions. If you give mixed signals in any way, he will see it as a chance, an opportunity for more.Think of your husband, how you met, the development of your relationship, how you chose to get married, and what he means to you? Then remind yourself of that while you are at work. If it's important to you, and you don't want to lose your husband and your marriage, then stay true, stay strong and let nothing waver you. No other cute guy (from appearances) can offer you what you already have. Remember, at work you only see the best in people (most of the time) and appearances can be deceiving. If he does not respect his own marriage, and does not respect yours, why would you risk anything with him? It means he won't honour you either and could do the same to you down the line.So yes, doing what you are already doing will be enough, if you never give mixed messages, and stay firm in your resolve and decision to not mix business, and pleasure.Informing your husband of a mutual attraction at work is up to you - depends the type of marriage you have, the type of man you married, the type of communication the two of you have. He can't do anything about it, it's where you work, and it will only leave him worried - however, it would also help him step up to the plate to ensure nothing and nobody will steal his wife away ;-) Stay strong and good luck so that you can stay happy in your marriage! G's Girl
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