A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Been in a relationship for 4 and a half years now. I love my bf because he is everything I want in a man. Only problem is he won't have sex with me yet. He wants me to be patient til his paranoia of pregnancy goes away. But it's not fair to me to please him in other ways while I don't get any!So, as much as I love him and want him in my life; I had decided to let him go. But I don't know how. I've ignore his calls but eventually answer them. I know I can just tell him it's over. But he always wants to try and work it out. Sometimes when he knows I'm upset, then he would break it off... But then I go and apologize and give him another chance!!!Any advice on how I can learn to let go and be happy to loose someone I love so much?!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2011):
 It doesn't sound to me like you want to let go of this relationship, and I don't blame you because it sounds like it is a good relationship apart from the sex part. You say you leave him satisfied but does he not do the same for you without actually having sex? If he doesn't well then he is very selfish. Do you know where his phobia of pregnancy has come from and has he tried to get help with it?
Instead of giving up on the relationship talk things over with him. Tell him that he needs to get help or you are walking away because it is unfair to you. A relationship needs a physical side to it as well. Maybe suggest to him that he goes to see a phycologist to find out where his phobia is coming from. In the mean time why not experiment with other things in the bedroom. Maybe get him to use a dildo on you or a vibrator and spice things up that way for a while. But he does need to go and get help with these issues and now. Tell him it is that or else you are leaving for good. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): There is something more going on here... I think he's gay, and using you as a cover.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! I guess I need to hear that my feelings are valid and reassurance that he is selfish. I thought maybe I was being harsh but it's a good thing! I know what I want and deserve better!!!! Thanks again RedAthena!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Print out what you wrote above...and any other reasons why you should NOT be with him. Put it by your phone, under your pillow, folded in your wallet, whatever it takes to remind yourself why you do not want to be with this man.
Be your own best friend and write guidance for yourself to terminate a relationship that is not healthy or fair to you.
Tell him it is over, why it is over, and to leave you alone.
THEN MEAN IT! Delete his contact information, block his number, and get really busy in your life. Take some new classes, volunteer, etc.
Treat him like an addiction to a drug or alcohol. Tell a trusted friend you are struggling and ask them if you can call them like an A.A. coach for 5 mins if you get tempted.
Reread your letter to yourself. NO CONTACT will always be hard in the beginning. You have to give yourself at least three weeks to gain the strength to give him a chance.
It is EXTREMELY selfish of a man to expect you to please him, but never return the favor.
Avoiding sex because of pregnancy paranoia? Please. If he does not want children, he could make that a permenant choice!
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