A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello readers? Just a quick one been seein a lady who is in a relationship. I know bad idea but it happened. Was based on flirtin massive physical attraction and became sexual. I wanted her from the outset to poss leave her fella but never let on. She argues a lot wiv him and they rarely sleep together but he is like accepted part of her fam friends etc. Anyhow the sex was mind blowing and intimate chatting the excitement and snatched moments caused massive drama which we both became addicted to. She however then started to loose control an me too, of the situation and while thinking she could carry on while in a relationship she couldent esp when i wanted more. So she would push me away and eventually we would get back and cycle starts again. Anyhow i stopped it when i realised we were both literally going crazy and told her why id stepped back and that i cared too much to hurt us. So what does she do goes and gets back in touch wiv a jokey text cos i know shes missin me like crazy an i am her too. I try and ignore but cave in a few days later textin a funny back. We then constantly text for am hour being outrageous flirty and funny. It was so good to be back in touch for us both. So I call and we both laugh about how much pain we have caused each other in the pursuit for drama, intense sex, guilt but it was so nice we ran each other to insanity. She wants to know what i been up to I tell her im takin advantage of the girls i've been ignoring while ive been waitin for her to leave him, gettin my life back on track cos i is been bonkers and laugh about her messin me around as im not used to it and admitted i quite liked it. Then I get serious tellin her i still want her but not as we have been and she admits she still fancys me rotten but still loves her fella and then says she doesnt want to talk about it she denies to herself nothings happening (being with me or him as its not that easy). So we carry on enjoying chatting. She says how much shes missed me, me too and how much we care. I go as we been chattin 45 mins? I know she never does this and have a laugh like this with her fella!!! I end tell her to take care love her lots somethin ive said before (she hasnt) an she says love you too night. She has never ever said this to me and dont think she conciously said it but was her mind talkin. I just think the timing is lousy as she has admitted before if she were single we would have been amazing. Whys she staying, no kids dont live together but she did say she tries not to think anythings wrong and buries her head in the sand. I think she finds things hard to address and is quite weak. I said we should do dinner in a few weeks an catch up somethin we have never done as we have become good friends through the affair and care a lot but joke about if we could keep our hands off each other but this has caused the destruction shes interested though, dont know ??? What do you guys think i should do to win her over? Cut off contact completely, with nice ultimatum or just start to take it slowly lettin her come to me when we are both free and get to know each other an let it grow as her relationshio is further undermined but then she may never leave if she has it all? Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): I am on the other end of a very similar situation, except I am the girl. In a live-in relationship with bf for almost 4 years. I did not consciously seek out this affair - it happened. I really love my boyfriend, he's my best friend. We've stopped having sex and I have been sexually dissatisfied with the situation for some time now. I've also stopped kissing him passionatley (read: hot tounge action) except for the increasingly rare occasion when we are having sex. Even when we do hit it, it only lasts about 5 minutes - he gets off and I lay there thinking about what I should have next for a snack. It's terrible. Scenario: BF leaves for the weekend, I have a party and end up sleeping with random dude. Didn't expect it to "go anywhere" except that I really started to like this guy, and am currently pretty enthralled with him. Talk about puppy love - for the first time in my life I can seriously imagine getting married and maybe even having kids. Dude and I have been text messaging, calling each other, and I've even slept over at his place a couple of times. He is pretty amazing in many, many ways. I talked with my bf yesterday night and told him I was no longer in love with him - the sex has been so lackluster and uninspired that my libido had all but dissappeared until I met dude. The bf didn't really get it - he simply did not understand what was going on, that it was possible that I'd fallen out of love with him and that those romantic/sexual feelings had faded some time ago. I got pretty upset at myself when I realized I'd been complying with his advances just because I knew he enjoyed the sex. It's been all about him for some time now. We were due to celebrate our 4-yr in about a month, I just cant imagine going back after what I've done and how I've felt after meeting this guy. I vascillate about this safe non-sex relationship I could realistically stay in, complacently, for a really long time vs. this new exciting one with the mind blowing sex and one of the coolest guys I've ever met. Just when I think I've got the answer, shit starts getting messy again. But really - it's not like I cheated once and cut it off with either guy. This has dragged out longer than I've had business dragging anyone through. (2 weeks at the moment) And what it means is that I'm really a selfish bitch right now, deserving of a public flogging, tar-n-feathering, big red "A" on my front door, etc. I know that everyone in this triad is hurting because of this. Some of my girlfriends even know. What must they think of this?If only I could get a garauntee that dude would stay with me happily ever after, I would leave this sexually dead relationship.What is destined to happen to us - what of him for being the "other guy"? What of me for being a cheater? What do we think of each other for sneaking around on my bf? My decision would weigh heavily on the factor of the dude and I having any sort of relationship after. Could we even stand a chance after this messed beginning? Theres my story. I dont know what you should do about that girl, it sounds like you really really like her, and this can cloud your judgement quite a bit. Sounds like she is vascillating quite a bit too. Has she even talked about leaving? Is this an actual possibility? Could you trust her not to cheat on you if she did? Has she cheated before, or is her attraction to you so strong she couldn't help herself?If she dosen't leave - could you be content to hit it during those stolen moments? Think that might get old at all, when you want to walk down the street and hold hands without looking behind your shoulders?Allwright - let's hear your comments.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): LET HER GO!!! she has no intention on leaving her man. get on with your own life. your whole message sounded needy and desperate. find someone who will love you completely. Tell this girl that you really like her but untill she is single your not gonna chat n e more. "IF" she does eventually leave her boyfriend then you two can start dating if you still feel the same (i doubt you will though) remember we always want what we cant have!
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