A
female
age
41-50,
*lazria
writes:My friend is getting married in two days and the night of her bachlorette party another friend of mine fooled around with her finance. I am not sure what to do with this information, I know that if I tell my friend what happened she might not believe me and it will cause a problem between us but I feel something has to be said before she marries this cheating man and continues to trust our friend. I am so sick by the whole thing and just need help figuring out what to do.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 August 2007):
 If it were you in this situation (being cheated on)...what would you want? Really, honestly...not what you think you should want, but what you really really would want. Would you want to be told?
Either way, there will be consequences.
If you do not tell, or if you do tell, there is no guarenttee that she will refuse to marry him. Also, she may already know he is a cheater and turns a blind eye to it.
In the end, becuase you knew, you could lose your friendship for being the barer of bad news, or the fact that you did not share it. So I think you need to prepare to lose this friendship (worst case senario).
If it was me being cheated on, I would want to know, and I would want to be told. If I was the one that had to do the telling on someone else...I think I would have to take into consideration just how much I knew the person I was telling, otherwise it really is not my business. It is my close friend being cheated on, I would tell. If it is someone that is not in my closer circle of friends, I keep my mouth shut becuase for all I know, this couple may have had certain understandings about the nature of their relationship that would make it OK.
The last option I see is to tell both the groom, and your friend that if they do not tell her, you will....or course, if you do that, you can pretty much uninvite yourself to their wedding if she still marries him, and all three may never speak to you again.
BTW, drop that "friend" of yours, as when it is your turn to be the bride, she will surely do it to you too.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, klazria +, writes (18 August 2007):
klazria is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel as though my friend needs to hear this information from the people involved, her soon to be husband and our other friend. The only reason I know anything happened at all is that my friend in her drunken state slipped and said something. I have no clue what to do except try and convince my friend to confess.
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A
female
reader, beautifultrustnlover +, writes (18 August 2007):
 well how bout getting your friend something that will show her!!remember actions speak louder than words!!!first did you catch them or know for sure or is this hear say???if you indeed dont know for sure than i wouldnt say anything, but if you do than you got to do something if she finds out that you knew she will never ever forgive you for not telling her and saving her the trouble of going thru a divorce she might not listen to you but how about making a recording of like your so called friend saying she slept with him that night or him saying he did that would give her what she needed to believe you even thow if your friends i don't know why she would other than love blinds you some times and if you do tell her and she still doesnt believe you when she does find out she'll be the one sorry so just tell her that you found out they were and for to futher look into and let her know you don't want to ruin yours and hers friendship just you feel as she should know whats going on in her life and well thats all you can do and good luck and hope all works out for you and your friend
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): i am so sorry that you have to go through something like this. i think that it is necessary for you to tell your friend about what happened before she gets married to this guy. wouldn't you want to know if your fiance cheated on you before you took the one of the biggest steps in your life? i sure would. if your friend does not believe you and still goes through with the marriage, she'll eventually find out and thank you for trying to warn her ahead of time. do this sooner rather than later and good luck to you and your friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): you will have to summon the courage and tell her straight. or confront him and get him to come clean....very horrible stituation your in i do feel for you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): You have to tell her. I don't think she would get mad at you, but if she did then she's immature. You are just looking out for her afterall and you would have no reason to lie. Also the other "friend" needs to be cut out of her life. You need to tell her a.s.a.p. Wouldn't you want to know if you were in her shoes??
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