A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone.i am a bundle of nerves right now and I don't know what to do.i am in love with a guy 11 years my senior,and I think he loves me too.however there are complications...a lot of them.firstly,my father is his mentor.secondly,the age gap and that iam not 18 yet,but I will be in march.thirdly,the fact that he has a girlfriend he doesn't care about but can't leave due to a promise.fourthly,he lives in another country.but due to our family friendship,we meet in every 3 months or so and stay togethermy friends are really supportive and I have told my mom,she likes him and says he is a decent guy,and that if I care for him,i should tell him.i called him up,but he isn't picking up his phone(its like he knew I would have called,lol)but seriously...please guys and gals,help me.how do I tell him?thx in advance for reading
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthx u guys..ok so he called me back.he wants me to open up..he says he knows what i want to say but he wants me to say it..cuz he is very high headed about it.i said if you had picked up my phone 3-4 hrs ago,i wud have,but now the fear has come back again.he said its ok,i'll wait.he wants me to talk to him about it.but i told him honestly why i cant.and so..well thats that.i know i will have to do it,so now how do i get rid of the fear?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): It sounds like this girl he is with is psychotic. She won't commit suicide. People make this threat when they know they can't compete in the hope that the other person's good nature will prevent them from making a move. She is taking advantage of both of you.It sounds like he does like you. If you like him, tell him the next time you see him. It'll go over a lot better than on the phone. And, don't worry about this other girl. She is responsible for herself; you are not responsible for her. This guy you describe sounds like a really great guy. Your mom approves, so it's very likely your dad also knows about his interest. I'm sure he'd say something if he dissaproved.Let him know you like him, and let him choose who he wants to pursue. Such a great guy shouldn't be boxed in by a nut-case. Even if he does say no, which I doubt, at least you will know and years won't be wasted pining away on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthx for answeringchazzy:he hasnt cheated yet.oh,he puts his arm round my shoulder when we are together,and plays with my hair and caresses my cheek,but he is the perfect gentleman.often in the car,i sleep on his shoulder,and he puts his free hand on my cheek to protect me from the road bumps and caresses my cheek and hair.somehow that makes me feel really specialthe old man:no,i dont want to be the other woman.she told him and me she will commit suicide(i know her too) if he leaves her..what can he do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi.thx for ur answers u guys!i really appreciate it.the old man:no.i am assuming he will leave her.theirs is a very complicated relation where he wants to leave her,but she isnt getting the hint.i have met her as well,and she is very clingy..its clear he doesnt want to be with her,but she has clearly said she would commit suicide..so its pretty scary for himChazzy:that is true,but we are close,as in we talk every week,and text throughout the week.no he hasnt cheated on her,he is a man of honour,and we hug when we meet,and he likes to put his arm round my shoulders,and loves to play with my hair.but he hasnt made any sexual advances.in fact,in car,often i sleep with my head on is shoulder,and he puts his free hand ,and encompasses my cheek so as to hold me from the bumps in the road and caresses my cheek and hair as wellonce we have also held hands,(in front of my mother)and he was twining his fingers with mine,in an absent minded kind of way(which i still liked) i tried calling him again,and i msgd him asking him to call me when free.well..if he doesnt i am gonna take it as a sign that somehow i should wait till march(he is coming for my 18th birthday for 2 days,to spend it with me)
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (4 February 2009):
 I was with you all along until I got to the part that he has a girlfriend!
As far as him not being able to leave her due to a promise is hog wash! It sounds like he's looking for someone to play with! If he "loved" you, he wouldn't let her stand in his way. They aren't married, there is no promise that he can't break in the name of his happiness!
Do you want to be the "other woman"?
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A
female
reader, Chazzy  +, writes (4 February 2009):
this is a tough one..especially because he's in another contry and long distance really doesnt work, iv tryed. one things for sure girls never call boys especially if hes got a gf already because its symbolising a comitment. i have a question, do you guys fool around when u see him? if so hes cheating on his gf and if you get together when he dumps her how will you know if he isnt seeing another girl behind you back too. its really easy because you kant pop round to his house and he kan lie bout were he is etc. if hes moving to around to weh u live it would b a diff story and i would say stright up "i really enjoy ur company, ur hott and i like you." personally i would give him some space, he knows u want to talk to him and when hes ready he will call u but dont lose hope. if it doesnt work out the next guy will b better than him.i hope i was some help and didnt come off sounding harsh, much love and good luck :]
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