A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello there.I'm at the stage of our 4-year relationship where we now should be, theoretically, able to discuss more serious things, but my husband wants to recreate the honeymoon stage of our relationship (no, not THE honeymoon after we married) semi-permanently.I'm at the stage of the relationship where serious issues like family, bills, in-laws, kids etc. are the main thing, even though we have no kids.I get it, he may want to add romance, but a relationship, is, I guess, like a plant, needs maintenance as much as enjoying it.Surely you can't recreate the honeymoon stage and live it semi-permanently?My husband was a good, sensible, and romantic/caring guy so I thought.But I'm wondering what changed to make him this... our relationship is good on the whole, we're pretty much similar on some issues like finances, home-related issues, shopping, jealousy isn't as much of an issue (as it is I have few male friends - only four anyway, always gotten on better with girls than guys, and my husband isn't really as jealous of them anyway; my closest male friend is a 74-year-old guy with a beard who's an ex-sailor and retired, now does DIY as a hobby, or a black guy who's a professor, a guy in his 60s who used to work in Hollywood and a guy who's in his late 50s and teaches economics for a living, his daughter went to my high school; as it were, I was never popular with boys in school, some assumed I was a lesbian because of the way I looked as a teenager, but that's for another post on here... but I'm feminine as can be!!).Anyway, I'm wondering if it's a mid-life crisis or something, since surely you can't want to live the honeymoon period, 24-7, 365 days a year?It doesn't help that he'd bought me a selection of Adidas-branded bikinis and a large amount of candy with some beers as a gift, I was surprised to get a gift the other day this big, and where would I even get to use the bikinis with COVID-19?He also bought me a second gift, some crop tops and leggings from Amazon.I appreciate the gift, but wonder why the sudden gifts, my birthday was only a month ago and I had some then! - not complaining, but it's odd!I don't think the gifts are trying to buy forgiveness for an affair, anything like that, but it's goddamn unusual.I've never had to deal with anything like this, but how should I try and handle it?I really DON'T know what to think or do, this is out of the blue.How should I tackle the issue of wanting to get back into the honeymoon period semi-permanently and if you were in my situation what would you do?I need your advice.
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affair, jealous, lesbian, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2021): My dear, you can become so practical and sensible that it's boring. He doesn't want the honeymoon period literally or indefinitely; he wants to keep your marriage "romantic." You may not show as much interest in those things as you used to do; like dressing-up, wearing sexy clothes, and strutting your stuff for him. You're still young!
Now you have become content, complacent, and domesticated. He wants some of the old-you back. The lady he was married to, before you got so "practical!" Maybe?
Lets assume he figures gifts and surprises show you he's being thoughtful. There isn't always an ominous secret behind everything. He's your husband. Why can't he like seeing you in a bikini? Covid won't be around forever; and the way things are going, nor will beaches!
Better he's buying these things for you, instead of a mistress...or HIMSELF!!! And that's also another story! Keep reading DC!
Humor him, but that doesn't mean you don't know him well enough to know when he's acting strange. I don't see bikinis, leggings, and beer all together in one gift; but whatever! Compromise. Then if he starts getting stranger and stranger! That's when you sit him down, and ask him what the heck is going on?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2021):
 A marriage takes work. It's not just - oh we have been together XX years so it's just routine now. No, there will always be something you can work on. We can easily fall into the "taking each other for granted" routine where we forget what we initially fell for in each other.
Sometimes, having a date night or a movie night - a theater night or even a BBQ with family or friends will remind us that we need to cherish what we have and NOT forget to put in the WORK to make each other content.
My husband is not a romantic person AT ALL, but I'm not really either so that fits for the most part. I know the little things that makes his day a little brighter, so I try and add those every now and then.
It doesn't have to cost anything. It doesn't have to be super special. As long as it has meaning for the two of you.
My husband has a "dorky mug" collection. I add one when I find something that just screams BUY ME!
He bought me the fabric I had talked about for a project - while it might not be a "gift" in some people's eyes - it was for me. Because 1. he remembered the RIGHT fabric and the RIGHT amount I needed and 2. he didn't buy it to "make" me get on with that project but because he felt I would enjoy getting started on it. (I don't have other projects atm so perfect timing).
You can't sustain the honeymoon period and you aren't supposed to. That doesn't mean you can't have some romance and fun.
Try the "love language" quiz together it might give you both food for thought on how to do little things for each other.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 May 2021):
 A saying sprang to mind as I was reading your post: "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". I wonder, have you become "Jack"?
Have you let all the fun and romance leak out of your relationships? Do you have date nights with your husband? (Probably difficult to go out at the moment but easy to recreate at home.) Do you still make an effort to look your best for him, like you did when you started dating? Do you compliment him when he makes an effort to look good? Do you still tell him you love him? Do you show appreciation for what he does for you? Or is your relationship all about finances and shopping and housework?
It's true that a relationship "settles" after a while but that does not mean you shouldn't make time for romance and keeping the chemistry alive. I suspect that is what your husband is trying to do. You need to listen to the subtle hints before he feels a need to make them more obvious.
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