A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I looked up my boyfriend's surfing history before and found out he did things he promised not to and swore he wasn't doing. After I confronted him about it he simply made sure all the surfing history is never stored and said it was "to avoid the fights". I do not know how to react to such "solution". I know this sounds silly, but I am actually looking for an advice for ... how should I react to this? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): My problem here was not about whether he has right to do whatever he is doing or not... The problem here is that I was clear I wanted out of the relationship if he thought he can/should do it and he promised, even swore he wouldn't do it. So now, the problem is the deception... His "solution" tells me he will rather lie to me than be fair to me and let me find someone else who will have my views or try to live up to his promises. So in that case, the activity itself is of a smaller meaning... It's dishonesty and apathy...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Unless he's looking at something illegal on there i don't see what the big deal is. I'm guessing you mean he's looking at porn? If he's not doing it when you're around what's the big deal? Are you that insecure that you feel the need to search his web history?
If he's not looking at anything illegal etc... then just drop it because you are going to face bigger problems in your life then what a boyfriend is looking at on his computer. Don't make something small into a huge deal.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Why were you going through his surfing history in the first place?
If it's not there for you to go through, then what's the problem? Out of sight, out of mind. Why not give him the benefit of the doubt?
...............................
A
female
reader, Princess Aunty  +, writes (23 November 2010):
Of course you should talk to him about it.. your relation seem to be based entirely on lies from his side. and such a relation does not last long. a relationship needs to have trust!!!!
If he lies to you now and also deleted all those things that would have let you come to know about it, then whats the guarantee that he won't lie to you again say after marriage hmmm?
well if you think he deserves a chance then give him. but he might be cheating you and again of course he won't let you know about it. therefore be cautious.
with my point of view i think a break up is better because he does not seem to love you because if he loves you he would not lie to you and do things that would hurt you. so girl move on
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 November 2010):
 "I don't like you doing this."
"Ok, I'll just make sure to hide it better so you don't know then."
Not really much of a solution if you ask me. The fact that this is internet history related I'm going to take a stab in the dark and guess it's porn related, isn't it?
I won't get into that whole thing without confirmation from you OP and hopefully neither does anyone else.
That solution isn't a solution. It's his way of saying he's going to keep doing what he was doing, but he's just going to erase the history so it's not in your face. If the fact that you knew about it was the problem, then problem solved. If what he was doing was the problem, then nothing has changed other than you know that every time you see the history deleted he was doing something he shouldn't.
This is a non-solution, and a lazy non-solution at that.
As to how you should react. That depends on the relationship, your feelings on the matter, and discussions you've had in the past.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Your boyfriend isn't going to change for you. He will continue doing whatever it is he is doing online, and lying about it to stay on your cool side.
You will either have to learn to deal with his behaviour, with it Out In The Open (any dishonesty in relationships is virally a killer), or... break up with him (if the online antics are truly that bothersome/hurtful to you).
If you have expressed how badly it makes you feel when he does it, and he has continued to do it covertly, he does not care about your feelings and is clearly not the guy for you!
-Tanteee Vic
...............................
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (23 November 2010):
Well obviously he has broken his promise and if i read correctly he is still breaking them.
How you react to it depends on how much you can trust him or how much of an affect it has on your relationship.
You didn't actually say what his surfing history was.
...............................
|
