A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 years old and my husband is asking me for swapping with another couple. He is angry to me that i denied for it and we are having arguments on this...he said nasty things to me and whenever we argue at end of it he makes love to me and he is rough when he does that. last night i cried bcz he hurt me when doing it. How should i make him understand that i dont like this swap idea? we are married for 3 years. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 Now unless you are filming for that show Wife Swap then your husband shouldn't be trying to trade in his wife!!
You sound abused more than anything, saying nasty harmful comments and hurting you to the point of tears during sex. Follow Dear Jilly's advice and swap alright, divorce papers! Leave this abuser, don't endure anymore of this than you already have!
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 he makes love to me and he is rough when he does that. last night i cried bcz he hurt me when doing it.
I don't think you understand what "making love" is. There are far more serious issues in this relationship then swapping.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 I agree with Dear Jilly. Further more, I would suggest denying him of any sexual contact until you have dealt with this matter. You cannot let him treat you so horribly. He is not showing any respect for you whatsoever so just leave him, if he cannot show you the proper devotion and love a husband should show his wife, take the choice away from him, he no longer needs to be a husband. You can be free to find a man more loving and appreciative than this beast you seem to have married. Marriage is sacred, never let anyone treat it otherwise.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, turbine  +, writes (10 November 2010):
Jilly is damn right and you must stick to your decision. Swapping is abnormal, unethical and animalistic. Humans cant have sex like cats and dogs. It's a shameful deed and be stern to your husband about this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): TELL HIM STRAIGHT..Don't apologise for wanting to have a normal, loving, committed relationship/marriage.
This is NOT negotiable and you should tell him this, if you don't want to swap..then DON'T. IF he continues to emotionally and mentally take advantage, abuse you, as this is what this is. Either tell him if he doesn't stop, you will take steps to move out. SORRY, but this man is not acting as a loving considerate husband.
So WHY would you want to stay with a man, after three years of marriage who wants to SWAP you with another woman ( couple) and has rough sex with you, that you end up crying IF you don't do as he wants..Don't be a victim, take control of this situation otherwise you will forever be under his jurisdiction. This does not for-bode well for a long and happy marriage. Gosh, if he's likes this now after three years, what would/WILL he be like in 10 or 20, do you really want to live your life like this???
Women are victims when they allow themselves to be, so I urge you not live a lifestyle you do not feel happy with.
Which makes me wonder what he was like before you married him, as people, don't usually change drastically from being loving and monogamous, gentle considerate and caring partners to basically a bully and demanding his wife has sex with other couples. Go with this, and YOU will for ever be open to all kinds of demands from him, and in essence agreeing to a marriage that is open sexually where if and I'm sure that would be next, take a sexual partner outside the swapping..you wouldn't have any room to complain, as you had gone along with this.
Decide what you want, then stick to it, and if that means this man is not going to be part of your life forever, so be it. There a good men out there, who do not want or would ever consider wife swapping. So please think about what you want and act upon it.
Jilly
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