A
female
age
30-35,
*BM2008
writes:My boyfriend and I are happy. We haven't been dating long (since Thanksgiving) but care about each other deeply. It's a connection neither of us had felt in previous relationships. He constantly talks about the future, and about us sharing the rest of our lives together. There is spontaneity, passion, trust, and good communication.I feel like we'd be very happy if we stayed together for good. He says he's been waiting for me his whole life, and seems genuine. He does thoughtful, sweet things for me constantly. I believe him when he says he wants us to eventually marry. He talks to me about how my qualities are his ideal in a women, and he has never had that. (Prior to me, he had a 4-year relationship, and I had a 2-year one). However, lately I'm beginning to feel taken for granted. He says he'll do something, and then a friend in need or his dad (who always needs money from him or rides) cuts into things. Whether it's not being able to talk on the phone, or not coming by sometimes, problem friends or his dad's issues get in the way. I understand this, but he doesn't let me know when things happen until I ask why he isn't coming when he's taking too long, etc. It's like he just lets the issues consume him and doesn't think to let me know what's up. He’s a genuinely sweet man who’s always willing to help people (even those who constantly screw him over) but it isn’t fair that I clear my schedule to see him and don’t make plans with other, and he goes and does something at someone else’s call.It's a terrible habit.His job is also kind of crazy. He works extremely early in the morning (usually at 3 or 4) and usually gets out early. Therefore, often he will tell me he's coming over for a bit at night, and he'll fall asleep and not answer calls. I don't understand why he can't just let me know beforehand. Luckily, he's going to get a more normal-hour job in the same industry. That could help.He's also been having car trouble, and hasn't been able to move into his new apartment yet, so he's living with a friend, and that is limiting. I'm an understanding gal, but I hate it when people move slowly and aren't proactive. He's crashing with a friend, and I have a dorm room for the next He's had his apartment ready to move into for just over a week and hasn't moved a single item into it.I've talked to him several times about how inconsiderate his behavior is. I've told him it hurts me and it's disrespectful. He apologizes, and makes the I tend to stay upset longer than he does. Actually, he has yet to get upset at me. He has gotten a little annoyed, but only when I have brought up his behavior, but is all-around patient. Maybe that's why he lets people run into his plans. I don't know. I just don’t think he is taking me seriously when I tell him it’s not cool not to let me know changes in plans, and to keep me waiting.Some extra info: He is 28 and I am 22. I've always worked white-collar, and he's a blue-collar guy with some semesters of university, but no degree. I'm graduate four months from now with two degrees.Am I being too demanding? Maybe I need to just let him be more, and be (even) busier so I can just shrug off his last-minute changes in plans, because then he'll be on my time. I’m in between jobs, and maybe when I work he will realize that my time matters too. Or maybe I should cancel on him last-minute so he sees how it feels?I realize this is a rather new relationship, but I like for my partner to know my wants and expectations at the start. I am an extremely giving person and don't want this drama, but I do want him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 January 2012):
 And never be afraid to Ask for What you Want.
So many gals let things be overlooked.
You have rights
You deserve respect.
So if you standards are not his standards, then better to learn about this early, not later.
Certainly if he is taking you for granted then enroll in a leisure course, learn a new skill. Attend the gym one day more than you do now, each week.
This will make you a tiny bit less available to him, such that he may need to make an appointment to see you. Your time is valuable.
Certainly find some (outside the home) activities that you can enjoy together and attend together to build rapport between the two on you. If he refuses to even try = a read flag.
Valentine's day is coming up next month.
Let him know you are really looking forward to what he has planned. (an I mean an outing etc)
Don't let him drop a guilt trip on you. It is perfectly OK to ask for what you want in a nice way.
And when you do receive a present be very appreciative if it is a well thought out present.
Though don't put up with a piece of $2 rubbish from a Discount store. If a guy is not prepared to take Birthdays, Annual Religious Festivities, Valentines day seriously then he'll also be useless later for Mother's day etc.
As you are between jobs you do probably have a little bit more time on your hands. And that is frustrating. Put a lot of effort into your CV and your applications. As once you are working you will feel so much better too.
Good luck with this
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 January 2012):
You both seem to have a really good connection. And it is very early days in your relationship. Give it time to mature at the pace that suits both of you. There is no rush.
Listen
Listen
Listen
Communicate
Communicate
Communicate.
Practise Empathy with each other every opportunity.
Be forgiving and Umderstanding when you find the opportunities to be so.
Laugh and enjoy good times.
Yes expecting too much can kill off a viable promising relationship. When couples start off they often think everything has to be in place at the outset. But real relationsiups are a work in progress.
And will continue to be a work in progress even when you think it is perfect.
Bill Gates didn't finish his formal studies, but that never stopped him learnng because he was motivated.
It would seem though that your guy is just bone tired with his hours of work. Shift work can be very detrimental to a person's health. And to their waist line.
Try to establish a plan to get some more balance into his life. Is he eating healthy food? Keeping his weight down and exercusing daily? If his health is compromised or he is carrying extra pounds that he has only recently add then all these things would affect his energy.
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