A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i posted a question awhile back about breaking up with my fiancee. all of the answers back told me that it was the right thing to do and i felt the same way going into it. Now, my new question is: What should i say to make it as less painful for her as possible? (looking mainly for female responses)(incase you forgot my situation, Im 21, been engaged for about 2yrs, no wedding plans have been made yet. But i feel like i need a break, im not ready to stay with 1 person for the rest of my life yet.)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (16 December 2007):
 Just tell her how you feel and try and focuses on your feelings because no one can argue with how you feel. Theres no way getting around hurting her, just be prepared to support her in what she needs to deal with the break up. If she needs space then give it, if she needs you to let others know be willing to do that.
Best of luck to you. I know sometimes being true to yourself can be hard, but if were not true to ourself, how can we be true to anyone or anything else in life?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): The best thing for you to do is to be honest with her. Sit her down. She'll be hurt but why be miserable? You both are young. Live life first before settling down. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): Well it sounds like you guys don't fight that often cause if you did you could just tell her in the middle of a heated argument that the wedding is off and then just storm out. I mean does she ever question your love for her? Cause that would give you an opportunity to tell her how you really feel without having to bring it up yourself. But if no to all of these things, I guess here's what I would do and I've really thought this out. Make sure it is on a Friday that way she will have all weekend to grieve and won't have to go to work upset and distraught. And just blurt it out and say "honey, I am really confused right now. I feel like we are moving too fast and it just really scares me. I care about you alot but I have been thinking about this alot and I can't get married right now. I am so sorry that I am saying this to you and I feel like such an asshole and you deserve so much better. I just can't get married. I hope one day you'll forgive me. And if you don't I understand." Just something along those lines. And remember that she is going to have a MILLION questions. So just be humble and answer them as honestly as possible.Now one thing you should remember is that there is a huge chance that even if you verbally break up with her today, this relationship may not officially be over until a few months from now. Because she may be so shocked or in denial that she may try to peruade you otherwise or it may not completely hit her until a little while later. It may take her a while to accept it. During that time you should really be a gentleman and be sweet, listen to her but DO NOT lead her on. Don't let her think you have changed your mind. But don't completely shut her out either. Be stern but be a gentleman. That's all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): Be honest with her. Don't lie about things. Don't tell her you'd like to remain good friends, don't give her hope to get back together in the future. After you break it off, don't keep contacting her, and don't encourage her if she contacts you, this only prolongs and makes things harder. You can eventually try to be friends, but a complete shut-off periond of a month or two is healthy and helps both parties move on.
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