A
male
age
36-40,
*ourAverageJoeS
writes:How do you tell your roommate that she just needs to move on? Sooo my roommate has broken up with a guy for 5 months who basically threw her out on Christmas but she is still pursuing him. From what she says he is awful to her and Ive heard him belittle her over the phone and slightly in person. She keeps asking him about whether or not she still has a chance but he wont tell her. She recently started spending more time with him but he is still treating her really bad. How do you tell her that he just isnt worth her time right now. I can tell she still has a strong feelings for him and it keeps her awake at night. Advice?
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christmas, move on, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 April 2016):
 You sound like a good person who wants to do the right thing, so if she asks you for your opinion you should be honest and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you feel she deserves better, and reassure her that you are there if she ever needs a friend to talk to, that is the best that you can do.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2016):
 Have you tried asking her what advice she would give a GOOD female friend who was in the same situation?
That way she has to look at HER situation from the outside, not just going by what she FEELS.
Even with REALLY good and close friends it can be a bit tricky to tell them that their partner/ex is a piece of crap and that they can do better... specially if they don't believe they can.
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A
male
reader, YourAverageJoeS +, writes (14 April 2016):
YourAverageJoeS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe always ask me what I think she should do, but I can tell she still really cares for him still.The drama doesnt impact me but I feel like it being honest about it will cause more hurt. I dont know her well enough to be brutally honest about it yet. Its a weird place for me so i figured id seek additional advise.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2016):
I think IF she asks you can give her your thoughts and advice, otherwise? It's on her. It's her life and HER mistake to make.
Sometimes people can't see the forest for all the trees because they are too close to the situation. (which she might be). Sometimes people are in denial. (which she definitely might be).
If she wants to pursue a craptastic man, THAT is her choice. No one is forcing her.
If she has pisspoor taste in men, THAT is her choice.
I get that you want to help and maybe even "rescue" her from the situation, but it's not really your job.
IF she bring him around to your shared home and it causes drama, I'd suggest she OR you move out.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (14 April 2016):
 Perhaps you should encourage her to write in to DC on her own behalf. If you are asked for an opinion then give it the best way you can. It is really up to her.
However, as her roommate I think it is fair to tell her that you have had enough of the subject. If she won't listen to your good advice then she ought to 'can it'.
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