A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm pretty upset about a decision I made yesterday. My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 6 months ago but told me he still loves me and that maybe we would get back together in the future. I respected his decision and left him alone but he wanted to stay friends. I did not as I was not ready for that. We didn't really stay in contact but we were nice to each other if we ran into each other and stuff. Even though we broke up I still miss him very much and have always still wanted to be with him. I really did hope he would have come back to me at some point. I made a probably not so wise decision yesterday. I messaged him nicely letting him know that I still care about him and love him and that I want to try things out again and if he felt the same then to message me back and maybe we could talk. I was excited about the possibility of him being in my life again. Well I got a message back and he told me that basically he has been seeing someone who he's very happy with and that he does not want to have any contact with me as it would upset his girlfriend. I was kind of shocked and overwhelmed as that wasn't the response I was hoping for. I didn't think he would jump right to it and get back with me or anything, but I was very hurt by his response. I'm feeling kind of stupid now because basically he rejected me twice now, first when he broke up with me, and now this. But I thought I was making the right decision by taking a chance like this with someone I still care about, right? Or did I just completely make a fool of myself?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 April 2016):
 He more than likely said to you that use might get back together in the future so that he didn't seem like the bad guy and probably so that you didn't feel so rejected. I doubt he would have imagined that six months later you where still holding on to that home, and for him to have said that was wrong off him because am pretty sure he knew deep down the relationship was over between you both. Maybe if this ever happens again you won't hold on to someones words when they are breaking up with you, as usually they are to spare your feelings.
Now yes at the moment you are going to feel embarrassed and like a fool, but that feeling will pass. It is a good thing that you now know he has a girlfriend and has moved on, now you no that he is off the shelf you can live your life again. You can accept that the relationship is over and that he is taking. Yes it will be difficult and hurtful but it will improve in time.
A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (14 April 2016):
 First of all...Im sorry about your situation. I know what your going through...it maybe painful and embarassing,and I somehow feel it because I've been in the opposite end of the stick and yes it also happened within this week.
I know exes may be hard to be around,but sometimes they just leave an impression on you they become part of your life. Its okay to still love them and care for them but accept the fact that they are not the love of you life.
You shouldnt regret taking chances...you said what you felt and it was heard. You should never be sorry or ashamed about expressing what you feel it took guts and Im pretty sure your ex understood you and felt what you meant at heart...its not that He doesnt love you, its that youre not the one for him.
You just have to respect that he's with someone else now and you will eventually get yours a little ways down the road...just hang in there.
I hope my perspective helped...and this made me understand what my ex was feeling so thank you. I wish you the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2016): Dont feel bad or beat yourself up. You are only human. Its a really tough blow for you. We are all living and learning. It shows you cared a lot about him and you just needed to know and now you do. This opens the door for you to meet someone better.
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (14 April 2016):
Ow hunny, what a lovely lady you sound, I am sorry for this experience for you...its out of your hands, hes with someone else. There's nothing wrong with what you did - you took a shot to nothing, good for you! Now time to move forward knowing that route is closed off - good luck! This time next year this will just be a memory with no sting to it at all, you'll see
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2016):
 You made the right choice.
Being friends with a recent ex is rarely a good idea, specially if one person isn't over the other.
Contacting him was a bad thing for you to do, at least NOW you know where you stand with him. IT truly is OVER. Which mean you can stop wasting any more time hoping he will come back to you, and you can let him go and move on.
I get that it hurts to feel rejected again, but living your life in some "limbo" where you hold yourself back from meeting someone new and basically wait for someone to MAKE a decision about YOUR life and put YOUR life on hold for some uncertain guy... it a waste.
So let go of the "rejection part". He isn't a good match for you, and YOU weren't a good match for him. THAT happens.
And maybe consider in the future that if you break up with someone, to NOT take them back. A relationship is NOT a series of "breaks". It's a series of compromises, hard work, effort, mutual respect, care and love.
And if a guy wants to "put" you on the shelf for "later" use, let him go.
Chin up. Better to know than be left in the dark.
Time to start living your life again.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (14 April 2016):
 You made the right decision. Now you know. Now you see he wanted something else. He wasn't ready for you, and he wasn't right for you.
Lick your wounds, hold you head up and move on to someone fit for you.
It is better to know sooner than later about these things.
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