A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.I have never felt this guilty in my life before, which is why I want to seek help here. So, there is a guy in my new organization who likes me. It's been only a month now, when I joined a new job. He is different in all the ways. He comes from a very different background and culture as compared to me. First, I didn't like him because he approached me through one of my friends in my team. He is in a different team. And, now the friend he approached for disclosing his feelings to me, seems to play with our emotions. So, I used to trust this friend of mine. I thought she was my true friend as she pretended. However, when after knowing about the feelings of that guy, I didn't immediately say yes to him. I befriended him and his friend too. So we used to hang out together in our leisure time. Gradually my friend turned rude to him and me; also ignored us. I still was not able to make out as to why is she behaving in that manner, because she has a long distance relationship of three years with her boyfriend already so I never could understand that she might ditch me even for some guy. However, just in a week of interaction things got complicated and there was this another guy who goes to work with me and generally used to flirt with me too in a healthy manner. He also proposed me and now both of the guys were looking for an answer from me. SO I decided to date the one whom I could know better. I started spending time with both of them and was in a process of knowing as to whom should I date and whom not. During this time, my jealous girlfriend couldn't understand as to why people are interested in me. I don't know why she felt like that, but she played a real good game meanwhile, without letting me know that she was cooking something fishy for me.She used to call both of my friends, used to crack vulgar jokes with them, never informed me that she called them on daily basis. Later, two of my team mates told me that she told them that she got a soft corner for that "DIFFERENT" guy I was talking about. This happened when I saw her with that guy at that point of time when I had an argument with him. I could see that both of them were still interacting and she tried to copy me each time. I was getting frustrated. When I had a word with her regarding this, she said that she liked him as a friend only. She said some bad things about that guy to me, instigated me against him and knew that I would be aggressive as I really liked that guy until then. I didn't realise that she was not only instigating me against her, but also playing with his feelings too. She said rubbish things about me to him to which I was not aware about.However, I reacted in a really pathetic manner to which I am still feeling guilty. I insulted that guy in front of his whole team, called him a play boy, compared him with another guy who likes me too and all this happened because I got influenced with what she told me about him that he was a big flirt and he used to call her unnecessarily etc. However, it never happened in that manner. She lied to me. Now, things have changed at my work place. I have lost his trust. He didn't utter a word while I insulted him. He didn't even give any explanation to me. I insulted one of his friends too because he supported him. I had a quarrel with that girl too for instigating me, who later changed her words and blamed it on me for shouting at him. Now, I am broken. I've been crying from last two days. I think I liked that guy more than the other guy with whom I flirted, though he is a nice friend of mine still. I am feeling really guilty and want to apologize to him for my behaviour. That guy told me to clear things with that girl first, but I know she is playing games. How can I make him understand now that it was not my mind and heart, which does that, but my friend's game to snatch that guy from me?I am planning to say sorry to him in front of all those people, who were present there at that time, so that they don't doubt his integrity. I don't know but how to go about it. How to make up for those hurting words I said to him? I am really very guilty and want to show him that it was my mistake. Please help, I'll be really glad.Thank you everyone.
View related questions:
flirt, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): You are better to say soory sooner rather than later, don't make it heavy and blame everyone else but yourself, this is a sign of weakness. Then use humour (if you can)to let him know about the way you were HAD by your NOT friend. I would say something like 'I am sorry for what I said but as I can not change what happened, how about we start a clean slate and have an evening out together and judge for ourselves about each other, just you and me with no friends involved and no talk about these particular friends'.
If he say's yes then you have a clean slate, if no, then at least you know that you tried. Ditch the friend who stired up the trouble.
A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (23 March 2014):
 It's clear to me that your 'friend' liked that guy and was jealous that he liked you. In an effort to stop the interest between you two she's told some lies which you unfortunately believed and because of that you insulted this guy - at work, in front of his team. The fact that you all 'liked' each other should have been kept private and not have been allowed to come into the workplace. It's unprofessional. Apologise to this guy in person AND in front of his colleagues. But, I fear that no matter how sorry you are, things will never be the same between you and him and that is the real shame in all of this. It might be an idea to give this so-called 'friend' a wide berth from now on too.
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 March 2014):
You just have to come forward and apologize to him , in the same way you insulted him in front of his team.
Even though you want to blame this girl, you should understand that you are responsible for YOUR actions. You had a choice to believe this girl or not believe her. You had a choice to talk to him or embarrass him. While some things may not seem fair, all is fair is love and war.
...............................
|
