A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We were together for a year and a month, a few days before our anniversary (a month ago) he told me he was planning on ending it, he came to mine we both cried he said he hated the arguing and I promised it would stop, he said I'll give it 2 months and see how it goes. We did just that, no arguments at all very happy, one month down the line he ignores me all one weekend, and Sunday evening he talks about ending it, he says how he doesn't see it happening forever. I say I don't want to come in to college just for him to end it with me, he was saying "I love you baby" alot that night in his messages, he told me to come in he hadn't made his mind up yet, he wanted to talk with me. Monday morning I meet him in usual place, he hugs me and says he loves me I cry, alot, he keeps telling me he loves me. We walk in together but I don't say anything I'm so sad, he holds my hand and won't let it go. So he said he wanted to talk but at break I waited for him in the usual place we meet and he didn't came I was staring out the window looking for him and he came up behind me very quietly hugged me and said he loved me again. We were together for over a year and had been bestfriends previously, 3 years. At lunch time, I was waiting again for him but I watched from the window him go on the field.. I went out there he didn't come over, I was so scared I didn't want him to end it. I left and went and cried a bit, came back at the end of lunch. He came over to me held my hand and took me to the side to sit down he was hugging me.. He said "I don't see this lasting forever and it'll kill us both in the end" I said I doubt anyone at our age will be dead focused on staying together forever we just see how it goes and make the most. He said he used to see us together forever. I asked if he liked someone else and he said "I promise you I don't like anyone else, you have to trust me on that" I asked if he still loved me, he couldn't look at me and said not as much as I used to.. This makes no sense to what he'd been saying to me all day, I said to him "you've been lying to me you don't love me" I was crying my eyes out I was broken. The bell went and as we were outside on the field the bell rang and we had to leave, he said babe we have to go I couldn't, he said I'm sorry and ran off to registration, I was on my own bawling my eyes out. That was it.. I cried and cried for ages obviously. But he was happy? He was laughing in our next two lessons. I found out in the afternoon that he had gone to a party and not told me, he had lied to me said he was going out for a meal, my friends were there so they reassured me he hadn't done anything wrong. Previously we had both been invited to parties and he hadn't wanted me to go but to me that makes it look bad, why would he want to be at a party without me? I left the class crying. That night I messaged him asking if there was anything I could do, becuase I didn't feel like I'd been given a proper reason. How he could just lose all his feelings just like that. He replied saying give him time and I said okay, I also said I sort of understood why he hid going to a party without me, because I would have probably been nervous about him going without him, but because of us saying we wouldnt argue I wouldn't have had a go. Later that night he messaged me with lots of kisses just casual talk, he wanted to know what I'd been doing I think he was nervous I'd done something stupid or got drunk or something. He said goodnight to me and that was it. Since Monday evening he has not spoken. He's been so happy in school, laughing with his friends everything.. I don't understand what to do? He ignores me, and is happy.. He told this girl at school that he can fall out of love easily and has with me, he said he isn't talking to me so he doesn't make it worse for me. (He's never been properly in love before) we'd been together a year and had sex, I took his virginity but I don't know if that was a big deal to him or not.. I need advice on how to act and what to do, even if I can't get back in a relationship with him again I just want to at least be friends we were so close. I don't know how I'd be able to handle if he did like another girl though.. Any help or opinions needed please :/ thank you xx
View related questions:
anniversary, drunk, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): Hi, I had had my heart broken, just like you. He told me he loved me but had already started seeing someone else. He was happy , seeing someone else and having fun with friends. I was miserable for a long time and it hurt like hell. He was there for me and tried to comfort me.It was all lies and his own guilt because he had caused me so much pain. He realised too late that I was the love of his life and it will never be for us. I am not saying your ex will realise later what he lost, but you need to let this relationship go. Yes its hard, yes you will cry and wish he would come back. But remember he is not worth it. The person who promised to love you caused you the most pain. Don't call or contact him again, it is not healthy and will prolong you getting over him.You need to focus on yourself, study hard, no man is worth throwing away your education, if you fail you will regret it and be more miserable. The more you call and sms, the more you give him power over you, and inflate his ego that you cant get over him.You need to keep busy and change your focus, remember the world does not revolve around him. Start going out with friends and keep in company, the more you occupy your time, the less you will think about him. It gets easier and you do get over it but you need to start to date, no contact, no crying , you need to love and care for yourself.
A
male
reader, adaminio +, writes (6 July 2013):
I had a thought and just to say I might be completely wrong on saying it sound like he's met someone else as I said my own experiences..he might be putting on a brave face because he knows it's best. but you do need to just focus on you now.. have fun, spend time with friends.. get out and enjoy yourself. Not getting drunk but in general, keep your brain ticking and do new things. You sound a very sweet girl and I am sure there will be another gentleman that wants to treat you right and make you happy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): My dear, there is a little secret I have to divulge that you may not know. First, I have to say everything janniepeg told you is absolutely correct. He said a lot of sweet things to lighten the ton of bricks he was about to dump on you. It was for his own benefit, so he wouldn't feel so guilty.
Now here's the secret.
Relationships between young people your age are designed to self-destruct shortly after they start. This is because; in order to mature and learn how to maintain a relationship, you have to be challenged. You have to go through a series of relationships in training. With each new relationship, comes new challenges.
You first have to experience your first love. It will be the sweetest experience. It is your introduction romance. It opens up feelings you've never felt before.
This one brings out all the emotions associated with having a romantic partner. It will last for as long as you feel good about it. Then comes challenges that stress that relationship. If you don't know how to meet those challenges; then the relationships breaks under stress.
You will go through a few more. Each time, you will also have to experience the pain of heartbreak. There is a lesson learned to be learned about you, life, and sharing live with others. There will also be crushes and rejections.
All designed to whip the heart into shape. So it doesn't shatter like glass when things get too rough. You will survive each test. It may not seem that way at the time.
The mind picks up on all those little quirks and mistakes, and tries to correct them, before the next person comes along. Always look back to see what mistakes you made, it isn't always the other person's fault.
Some people are slow to learn. Their neediness and insecurities drown out their lessons. They are the ones doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over. They never benefit; because they try too hard to make things fit an imaginary relationship. They want it to be perfect.
They try to force other people to feel what they think they should feel; or stupidly think they can change people who are bad for them. These people never really learn. They just get bitter and blame everyone but themselves. Or, they take the blame, but do nothing to change it.
No relationship is perfect. They all have flaws. People have to learn to work it out. If they are incompatible; it will never work out. That means it was never meant to be.
So a breakup is good for you. It allows you to move on, in order to continue practicing at maintaining the best one that will come along. That will be the most special relationship you'll ever experience in a lifetime. Sometimes there will be more than one.
You've now learned your first lesson. You can't make any boy the center of your universe. You can't surrender your heart 100%. Save a little for yourself.
Young boys are not reliable when it comes to being serious about a romantic relationship. Girls are far ahead of them in maturity, and emotionally more equipped at an earlier age. Boys are not as focused on love as girls in young relationships. They see the opportunity for sex and like the attention they get. They learn to develop an ego.
Before you give too much. Let him earn it. Don't expect every relationship to last forever.
Live it day by day, and enjoy it for what it is. Learn to be patient. Don't take crap from boys. Don't suppress your maturity or intelligence. Let it grow and progress. It will reward you each time by helping you find the right guy; or at least a better guy, as you go through your life's journey.
There will even be times when you must be alone. That is your time to educate, and become enlightened. To establish your own identity and to seek your goals. You must allow yourself to come first at this time. It is a period that you will experience self-realization and have a huge spurt of growth as a woman.
Please allow it to happen. It is another way you are preparing yourself for the right guy.
Someday, he will come along. You both will have gone through the tests that prepared you for each other. If it is right, you'll know how to maintain that relationship through many levels. The catch is, it may take years of trials and tests. So enjoy the journey and make sure you pay attention to each lesson to be learned.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 July 2013):
 The only way to move on is to unfriend him. What you loved about him was an illusion. He is saying anything that's convenient to him and is lying to spare your feelings. You can't trust him and since you are still pining for him, a friendship will hurt you even more. It's okay to part ways even when you still have feelings for each other. He feels it's better to end it amicably rather than after another big fight. There had been fights because the relationship wasn't working. Some people get over a break up by acting happy, like he is now. The brain gets a rewiring and a fresh start after weeks of feeling stuck. Other people let themselves feel pain and cry. After my break ups I do a mixture of both. When you see him again imagine you go through a time tunnel, somewhere in the past when he was just an acquaintance.
...............................
A
male
reader, adaminio +, writes (6 July 2013):
Look I'm not gonna lie, it sounds to me like he has met another girl.. by him saying he only loves you and there is nobody else and also him not wanting you to go to the party.. he texts you on the night for either 2 reasons, 1) being he feels guilty and worried about you.2) he is keeping you an option open if this goes wrong.. like you said he is laughing in class like all is well.. I'm going on past experiences where I had an ex do a similar thing.. you cant be his friend as it will be too dificult for you . Again past experiences.. next time he texts you simply text back, look Wr are no longer a couple, so I'm going to on with my life. And don't talk to him for your own good and good luck hun
...............................
|
