A
female
age
36-40,
*hloebabeechick
writes:I feel really ill and responsible for something terrible. I have been dating someone on and off for about a year and a half. He has a roommate that has been his friend since he was four years old. Just incidentally from being at his house so often I became close to his roommate, on a strictly friendly basis. His roommate is warm and funny, and he asked for my number after a while and I gave it to him (of course letting the guy I'm seeing know immediately). We texted back and forth and I found his roommate very entertaining, but soon his texts became sexual in nature. I didn't tell the guy I'm seeing immediately, bcause although they were sexual I found them mostly harmless. Then he really ramped it up by sharing a detailed sexual dream he had with me in it. At that point I felt I had to tell K (the guy I'm seeing). K was very upset and told me that he had told J (the roommmate) to stop texting me and J had said he had stopped a long time ago. I think he then stewed for a while because he texted me the following day demanding me to forward the texts. I was hesitant because I know he has an anger problem but I also wanted to exonerate myself of any wrongdoing in the matter. So I forwarded him the texts. He didn't respond for the longest so I feared the worst. Then he thanked me and said he is kicking J out of his house. Keep in mind, J lives in K's house rent free since his wife kicked him out, has a pill problem, has stolen from K to support his drug habit and stolen his prescription medication and THIS is what he decides to kick him out for???!!! Now K is planning to confront J with the texts, making me look like a rat and responsible for J being homeless. This upsets me greatly. I told K to leave me out of it, but K is so infuriated by the texts he cannot help himself. I don't understand why this little issue is a deal breaker for their relationship seeing J has taken advantage of K in so many horrible ways. K says it's the worst thing a man can do to another man. I think that's ridiculous, there are many more horrible things people can do to one another and the things J has done already are far worse. Also this whole matter offends me cause K keeps using the word "steal" as if I'm a piece of property and also told me this wasn't about me. If it isn't about me then what the heck is it about? His ego? The whole thing just makes me sick. Question One: If I'm to blame, how much of the blame is mine? Question Two: How rational is his degree of anger? Question Three: Does J deserve homelessness over this issue, (cause I don't think he does)?
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (11 August 2011):
I think it's perfectly justified. This might just be the thing that pushed your boyfriend over the edge and showed him how far J would go in taking advantage of him. The fact that J uses pills and stole some pills could be brushed off by K as J having addiction problems and not being able to control himself. And there's not that much loss to K from a few pills and maybe a $20 here or there. K probably felt bad for J. But for J to then repay his kindness by hitting on his gf? That's a huge betrayal. As to how much of this is your fault, I couldn't tell you. If you didn't flirt back with him, I would say that you were a good gf and did everything right. But you obviously still feel guilty that K is kicking J out for this, and in a way, that's true.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): Your BF is totally justified in my book. It's not how far he went with you, it's the principle of the thing. The fact of the matter is that J was fishing around to see if he had a chance to mess with you behind K's back. And trying to screw his friend's GF is the worst thing he could be doing as far as most guys are concerned.
Yes I know you probably don't think J's flirting was that serious. That is exactly how guys like this go after a taken girl. Their approach is designed to test the waters of your sexual interest with them and yet still be something they can brush off as "harmless fun" if you won't take the bait. Trust me, he WAS fishing with you.
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